His Fire
by MissyL626
Summary: Katniss realizes that Cinna makes her feel things she's never felt before, things she's supposed to feel for Peeta. Will they be able to love each other without getting the other killed? Rated M for later chapters. Set in Catching Fire KPOV and CPOV.
1. Chapter 1

It's been a year since Peeta and I won the games. We now live in the Victor's Village and though we are neighbors I never see him. Ever since our conversation on the train he hasn't been happy with me. I can't bring myself to apologize to him because I am not sorry. I did not ask to be put in this situation. I did what I had to do to keep us both alive, and I will never regret that. I don't know how I feel. I have very deep feelings for Peeta, but until I know what I want I can't even go there with him.

Gale has thrown himself into work, he is also unhappy with me. No matter how many times I tell him what happened between Peeta and I wasn't real, it was to save our lives, he thinks I'm in love with Peeta. I don't know if he is right. I still feel like everything – from the time my name was called at the reaping until now-is just some nightmare that I can't wake up from. To say that I am confused would be an understatement. I feel offended that after all these years that he could abandon me like that. Especially after the year I've had. I don't even know how Peeta and Gale can think of such things at a time like this.

I wonder how I am supposed to figure any of this out right now. I feel like all I've been worried about is survival and the survival of the people I care about. Love seemed like such a trivial thing compared to the real problems right now. All of the districts are on the brink of an uprising, because of me. Because I give them hope. What they do not know is I was just trying to survive, for my family. I don't want to be a hero or a role model. I don't want young girls looking up to me. President Snow is not happy, and has made it clear that Peeta and I better be very convincing on the tour which leaves tonight. He wants us to make them believe that the berries was an act of love and not of defiance against the capitol.

I'm dreading leaving Prim and my mother. It has been such a great year with them. My mother has come alive, cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the two of us. I let her take care of me as a peace offering. I let her take care of Prim, though it's hard for me to step back sometimes because I'm so used to taking care of her when my mother couldn't. Prim has been learning about medicine with our mother. I still hunt, alone now. We have plenty of money, but I do it to pass the time. We eat what I get sometimes if I get something good like a deer, I sell the smaller animals.

I tell myself it's just for a few weeks and there are some people I am looking forward to seeing like Effie and Cinna. Even my prep team. I smile thinking about how much they are going to hate how I haven't kept up with my nails or shaving my legs. Then I think of Cinna's gentle yet strong hands, his calm cool demeanor, and my heart speeds up a bit. I guess I missed him more than I thought.

My mother has just run me a hot bath so I throw myself into getting washed up so when my prep team gets here they can finish buffing me and shinning me and putting glitter all over me. I'm still in the bath when I hear Effie's cheerful voice greeting my mother and sister. I can hear the prep team introducing themselves and after a couple of minutes I hear my mother tell them I am in the bath. I hear them bust into my room which is connected to the bathroom so I step out of the tub and wrap a towel around myself. I know that it won't matter because in a few minutes I will be stark naked while they buff me and poke me and wax me like they have done several times before. They've already seen me naked, so I don't know why I bother but I figure it would be awkward if I great them in my birthday suit.

I'm not surprised when the three of them throw open the bathroom door and pile in with huge smiles on their faces.

"Katniss!" They all shriek in unison. "We've missed you."

I hug all three of them and tell them I missed them as well. I actually did. It was hard to hate them. They might have been born in the capital and watch The Hunger Games for entertainment, but they really aren't bad people. I see them as more misguided than evil. It only takes seconds before they are poking me and shaking their heads at various parts of my body that I haven't bothered to care for.

"There's my girl on fire," I hear Cinna's smooth voice and my head snaps up. I can't help the huge smile that spreads across my face. I leap out of the hands of my prep team and jump into his arms. I squeeze him tightly, and I'm honestly surprised at my own reaction. I didn't want to stop hugging him. He chuckles and snaps me back to reality. I force myself to let him go and step back a blush forming on my face when I realize that my towel isn't around me anymore.

"Oops." I whisper, mortified. Cinna smiles and shakes his head.

"I've already seen you naked, Katniss." He says in a gentle tone, not meant to embarrass me but to relax, and I do. The first time I met him I was naked. I can't help but admire Cinna's features. My eyes lingered on his lips a little longer than they should have. I wonder if he notices but if he does, he isn't showing it. When I look up to his eyes, he is looking at me intently. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you." I reply, then I step back and let my prep team take over while Cinna brings in bag after bag of dresses he has made for the tour to show off to me as the other three work.

Effie comes in and wraps me in a big hug before she gushes about the dresses and how talented Cinna is and how everyone in the Capital is wearing him now. I'm happy for Cinna. He deserves the success, I've never met anyone who deserves it more. He saved my life, him and Peeta. He made my dresses so amazing, and I give him a lot of credit for the impact I had on people. I think it was him having an impact on him the whole time. As I look at the dresses my heart swells with love and respect for him. His hands work magic, each dress more beautiful than the other and I think of the long hours and hard work he put in to it all for me. I want to hug him again, but I need to finish getting ready. I really didn't feel like I deserved all this attention. All I wanted was for this tour to be over. I had a bad feeling about everything. Cinna is the only thing that makes me forget about everything else, when he hugs me, when he speaks or even when he is standing in front of me putting my dress on, fixing my hair, he is always just so captivating.

I try to push all of these thought out of my mind. It's Showtime now, and I haven't been in front of a camera in almost a year. I had to shoot a few short little promo things with Peeta right after the games but no one really came out for that. Just a camera man from the Capital. Haymitch told me what to say, and I said it. Things died down after that but for me they never went back to normal. Ghosts haunted my dreams, and lurked in my shadow. I had nightmares about the arena every single night. I woke up screaming, in a pool of sweat, my mom and prim would always rush to comfort me though I wish they wouldn't. I don't like disturbing them every night. I just can't help it. I feel horrible for everything. I didn't want people in the districts to feel like I wanted them to fight, I didn't want President Snow to think I am trying to start a rebellion, I don't want Prim and my mother to be bothered by my nightmares. I don't want these cameras on me, I don't want to have to pretend to love Peeta in a way that I'm not sure that I really do. I just wanted to win the games and come home, but now every year I am their puppet. There has to be a better way, but where thousands of people don't lose their lives.

I hear Peeta come in the front door and greet my mother and Effie runs from the room to great him. I can't hide the scowl on my face. I wish him and I could at least be civil to each other. Try to be friends. It would be a lot easier when the cameras came around and we had to pretend to be more. So not only do we have to pretend to be in love, we have to pretend to even like each other. We don't even speak, how long can this go on like that? Every year for the rest of our lives? I fight back a groan.

"Want to talk about it later?" Cinna asks. I nod once. I can't turn down the opportunity to see him later. I've missed him so much and I'm dreading this evening so bad. Maybe it will be better if I know that I'll have him to talk to when it's all over.

The rest of the night goes by pretty quickly, yet I can't help but be annoyed to be dragged out of my peaceful house into all of this chaos. The food does make it a little better. Even though we have more than enough food now that we have money, we can't possibly make the delicious meals the Capitol chefs can make. There's just no way. Peeta and I sit next to each other and eat in silence, which is completely awkward for everyone. Haymitch shrugs at Effie when she gives his a quizzical look as if to say, I don't know what's wrong with them. After dinner we do an interview with Ceaser Flickerman live, holding on to each other and smiling. I giggle and look at Peeta a lot and try to act like he is all I can see. It feels completely wrong. I'm mad at Peeta for being such a baby and taking everything out on me like it was my fault that we are in this situation. We were both forced into it and it's not fun for anyone. I keep the fake smile on my lips all night. I'm pleased with our acting job though, we act like we are completely in love even though we haven't spoken in a year.

When It's over I'm relieved to be done for the night. Tomorrow night we will be in district eleven. My stomach twists in knots as I think about it. I will be in Rue's district, with her family. I try not to even think about it so that I can at least attempt to sleep tonight. I try not to think of the nightmares, only how exhausted I am. When I get back to my room I shower and change into my night dress. I open the windows to let some air in. It makes me feel like I'm not a animal in the zoo.

I settle onto my bed and I must have fallen asleep because I wake up when I hear a light tapping on my door. I slowly get up and walk to the door to open it. I'm pleased when I see Cinna there. I was so tired I forgot that I had told him I wanted to talk.

"Hey," he says, slipping into my room and I close the door behind him. "How did it go?"

I shrug, sitting down on the edge of my bed, he sits next to me. He faces me, waiting for me to say something.

"I hate pretending." I say, tucking my hair behind my ear. I look down at my lap. "Peeta and I haven't spoken in a year."

Cinna seems surprised at this when I look up at him. Yet, he seems almost relieved.

"I had no idea. You two sure fooled me.." he said breaking off midthought.

I shake my head.

"He loves me, but he's mad at me. I don't know what I feel and I only did what I did to keep us alive. To keep him alive."

Cinna just sits in front of me, watching my face. He seems absolutely surprised.

"But you don't return his feelings."

It isn't a question. "I don't know. I don't think so. I love him, I do. I owe him so much and I hate hurting him. But I'm so confused."

Cinna looks at me with compassionate eyes. "You've been through so much." He says placing his hand on my shoulder.

A shock goes through my arm when he touches me. I suddenly want to grab him and pull him to me and never let him let me go. At least he understands. I don't think Cinna would ever push me into anything. He understands me, Peeta and Gale do not.

"I thought you two just had a fight from the look on your face earlier," he says, dropping his hand. "I'm sorry all this has happened to you."

I like how Cinna doesn't try to tell me it's okay, or that it will be okay. He doesn't make excuses, he knows there is nothing that can make it better and he doesn't try. I wonder if he felt the electricity between us when he touched me. I never felt anything like that with Peeta and Gale. Maybe that was the problem. Maybe I wasn't with Peeta or Gale because neither of them are right for me. I just don't feel the way I should about them. Should I feel guilty about it.

"I feel bad. I don't want to hurt them."

Cinna's eyebrows raise. "Them?"

"Peeta and Gale," I explain. "I just don't feel the way they feel. I love them, but it's just not right."

I feel like I've finally accepted this for the first time. Like I had to say it out loud to finally admit it. It took Cinna to touch me, just once, to realize that I haven't felt anything like it before. I wonder if I should say something to him. If I should tell him how I feel. Would he even return my feelings?

"You shouldn't feel guilty for that. If you don't feel it, you don't." he said and stroked his finger down my check. I got a chill through the back of my neck and I shivered. I'm pretty sure Cinna noticed.

"It doesn't feel like that when they touch me," I whisper. Cinna nearly gasps and shock spreads over his face. Then it's an emotion I can't quite read, or maybe a mix of emotions. His eyes are staring at me so intently, I feel like he is pulling me into them. I'm getting lost in his green depths and I'm afraid I'll never be able to come back.

"Katniss," his breath rushes out, when he says my name. He seems unsure of what to say, and I start to panic.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…" he presses his fingers to my lips. His hand slides over my check and down the front of my neck. He pulls his hand away. I shiver again.

"I feel it too, Katniss. Since the day I met you." He says softly. He grasps my hand.

"I don't want to get you into trouble."I tell him staring at his warm hand enveloping mine. "Everyone I love is a target to Snow."

A smile plays on his full lips, and his green eyes sparkle. I just told him I love him. I know I do, and I don't know what that means but it's different than I've ever felt for anyone. Just his smile makes my heart ache.

"It's worth it." He says and surprises me by pressing his lips to mine. His lips feel warm and full and I wrap my arms his neck. We are both panting, grasping onto each other. Electric currents shoot through my body and I force myself to stop before I pass out.

Cinna looks like he doesn't want to let me pull away but he does. He strokes my face.

I know I've never felt anything like that from any other kiss. I want to soak into Cinna until there is nothing left of me. He makes me feel safe.

"I feel safe with you." I whisper and his gaze intensifies again.

"I will protect you." He says, an air of confidence and certainty I have never heard in his voice before. "We will find a way. Until then we should try to keep this between us. Until we can figure out what to do. I will think of something."

I smile at him. The first real smile I've had in a while. I'm not so sure we will find a way. I am terrified. I wonder if he sees it in my eyes. All I know is I want Cinna. I want to beg him to stay with me but I don't.

"Get some sleep," he says, and pulls on a strand of my hair. Even that makes me shiver. "I will see you in the morning. Like I said, we will figure this out."

I watch him leave, my heart still pounding in my chest. He gives me one last look before he shuts the door. I lay down and imagion his arms around me. For the first time in a year I don't dream about dead people or mutations. I dream about Cinna's lips.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks to everyone who reads! Please review! I see that almost 300 people have viewed my story and I only have 2 reviews. Makes me feel like i did something wrong. :) Please let me know would I could improve on, so that I can be better and write a great story! I have so many ideas for this story and so many directions it's going to take! I can't wait to really get into it. I'm working on Chapter 3 now, and it should be up by tomorrow. Enjoy!**

As soon as I wake up the next morning I want to do cartwheels. Katniss kissed me. I have loved her for a long time now, but I always thought that she was in love with Peeta. I saw her resistance to him in the beginning but after the games it was easy to tell she loved him. I just didn't realize that it wasn't in the way that I thought she did. The whole thing felt like a dream. I didn't even care that our lives were in danger. I was going to get us out of it. I had to. I would find a way.

I still remember the first time I saw Katniss. It was on TV. I had never viewed the hunger games the same way people in the Capitol did. I didn't see it as entertainment but I did watch. I felt like if I didn't watch it I was turning a blind eye to the problems in our world. I didn't want my ignorance to be bliss. People in the place that I grew up were killing children for sport. I felt ashamed to come from where I did, I didn't want to be associated with the kind of things they did. I watched the reaping like I did every single year, feeling for all of these children. Most of them knew they were marching to their deaths. I couldn't even fathom what their families must feel. Mothers and fathers watching their children be taken away and slaughtered and not being able to do anything about it. This year I was going to be one of their stylists and I could pick which district I wanted. I had no idea which one of these kids I wanted to help more. I wished I could help them all but I couldn't. I think about how I'm only a young man myself, and just a couple of years ago if I didn't have the good fortune to be born in the capitol, I could have been one of them. In the first 11 districts things unfolded as they always have. When the reaping in district 12 was on I was sitting in my apartment, thankful that it would finally be over soon.

A young girl's name is called and I can't help the way my heart aches. She is so young and she looks terrified. I feel anger flood my senses. I can swear I am seeing red. This poor girl, just like the one in the last district. Rue. How can our leaders do this to these children, when they didn't do anything? They are innocent and can't help the hand they were dealt. I can almost feel a growl forming in my throat. I want to punch something even though I am not a violent person. I never saw a point in war. I feel like if two grown men have a problem with each other they should work it out between themselves, kill each other if they have to. But why take it on out innocent people. Especially little babies. Why should these men punish children for things they had nothing to do with? They didn't rebel.

The girl walks slowly, and stiffly up towards the steps. Her hands are clenched into fists. Suddenly another girl somewhere is screaming her name but the cameras haven't focused on her yet. When they do I can tell she must related to the younger girl. They look alike, yet different. The older girl's hair is darker but they have the same cheek bones, the same nose. They are both very beautiful. The girl with the dark hair is running forward, her face full of shock and fear.

"I volunteer as tribute!" she shouts and I watch as a boy about her age pulls the younger girl off of her who is protesting trying to hold the older girl back. He carries her away and the dark haired girl walks toward the stage. Instantly I have so much respect for this girl. I want to clap. I always wondered why more of the older kids didn't volunteer when the twelve year olds were called, they stood no chance. At least the older ones could fight. I am staring at her in admiration and instantly know that I want to do everything in my power to make this girl win. I am going to make her shine, I am going to make her radiant like the sun.

When I met her the first time, she was completely naked. This usually doesn't phase me because I've seen many naked women in my line of work. I am always completely professional and I view them as a canvas. Of course women are beautiful, and that's why I love my job. I love bringing out their beauty, making their natural beauty shine and making them feel great about themselves. Fashion and makeup is just something I'm good at. I know people often think I'm gay, but that isn't the case. I just hadn't met the right woman yet. I can't help what I like. Most of the women in the capital are shallow and self-centered. The men are too. I like to think of myself as different. I was raised by two very strict but loving parents. I feel like the taught me the true value of life, of beauty. They died when I was young, but by then they had already turned me into the man I am today.

Katniss stood there, completely naked and you could tell she felt completely violated. To be honest, I was a little uncomfortable with the way the tributes were treated like animals, forced to strip down naked in front of complete strangers and then fight to the death. I felt for her, the look in her eyes told me she wasn't okay. Who would be in her situation? What shocks me the most though is how I feel an instant attraction to her. I know that most of it was because I could see her spirit, her fire. She didn't cry, she didn't complain, she didn't want to appear weak. Her body is beautiful and I find it hard to hold her eyes to introduce myself to her.

"Hello, Katniss, I'm Cinna, your stylist," I say quietly.

"Hello," she says. I can tell that she still doesn't know what to think of me.

"Just give me a moment, all right?" I ask, walking around her naked body. I take in every inch of her. Every inch of her is beautiful. I pause when I see the braid on the back of her head. "Who did your hair?"

"My mother," she tells me. I can see the pain flash in her eyes when she mentions her.

"It's beautiful." I tell her. What I really want to say is _you're beautiful. _"I'm sorry that this happened to you."

She seems to appreciate my comment but doesn't acknowledge it.

"You're new aren't you? I don't think I've seen you before," she says. I like that she is talking to me, it seems like she doesn't hate me at least. I'm glad, I don't want her to. I want her to let me help her.

"Yes, this is my first year in the Games," I say.

"So they gave you district twelve?" she asks me.

"I asked for district twelve," I tell her. _For you. _

As I prep her, I find it hard not to enjoy touching her soft skin. When my skin comes in contact with hers, I'm aware of nothing else. She feels hot to the touch, and by the time I'm done with her she's on fire. I can barely tear my eyes away from her. She makes my heart pound and ache. All I can think I can't let her die. She is such a rare beauty, and so brave. I already want to steal her away and keep her safe.

I do her makeup in a natural way, so that the audience will recognize her. "I want the audience to recognize you when you're in the arena," I tell her. "Katniss, the girl who was on fire."

She looks so terrified, I want to hold her but instead I tell her that they will love her, I tell her to smile and to hold her chin up. As she rides in the chariot she looks astonishing, I have no idea what Peeta looks like because I cannot keep my eyes off of her even for a minute. The crowd loves her of course, shouting her name. She lifts her chin, like I told her to and this makes me grin. Then she smiles and my heart almost pounds right out of my chest, I feel light headed. It lights up the whole entire world. She waves and blows kisses, and I admire her more. I know she doesn't want to be here, I know that smile is fake, but she is fighting. And she trusts me. I feel hope for the first time that she just might win this. After this I throw myself into making dresses for her not excepting the fact that she could die, only fact that she can win.

I see her at dinner a few days later. She is upset and won't make eye contact with anyone. I take this as a sign that her presentation for the game makers didn't go so well. My palms start to sweat and I want to ask her what happened. I don't, I know Haymitch will bring it up eventually. Inside I'm dying, why is she so upset? I know something is wrong. When Haymitch finally brings it up, the blood must drain from my face. She shot an arrow at the game makers. I want to scream at her and hug her at the same time. I love her spirit. I want to shake her and kiss her at the same time. Was she trying to get herself killed? I would have paid to see that though, the look on their faces. We'll all laugh it off finally, after that I decide to let it go until we see her score. When she gets an eleven my heart swells with pride, and more hope. We can get her out of there alive I know it.

The next day I prep her for her interview. I made a dress especially for her. I put all of my love and adoration for her into it and perfected it until my fingers bled and ached. When I see her, she looks even more beautiful than the day before. Her red lips almost knock me to my knees and make me want to beg her to let me kiss them.

"Close your eyes," I tell her and she does. I slide the silky dress over her head and down her body gently, treating her as if she's the most precious, breakable thing in the world. The thought of someone trying to kill her makes me want to cry. I hold it in though and adjust her dress until it's in place perfectly. I have really outdone myself this time.

"Can I open my eyes now?" She asks me. But I don't want her to. I don't want this moment to end, I want time to stop because every minute that passes is a minute that we are closer to the games. Not long now. I don't know how I'm going to be able to let her walk out of here.

"Yes," I tell her. "Open them."

Her face when she looks in the mirror at her dress was worth the hours that I stayed awake at night and worked. Thinking of nothing but her, and how I had to give her the best.

"Oh, Cinna," she whispers after a couple of minutes. "Thank you." I want to thank her, for coming into my life. For letting me make her unforgettable, for giving me hope that not every person is the same. I can only aspire to be like her. So brave, yet caring. Such a beautiful soul. I want to tell her that it is my honor, that I will give her anything she needs. But I don't. Instead, I fight back the words that I so desperately want to tell her.

"Twirl for me," I tell her. She does, and the prep team screams in adoration. She has truly become my girl on fire, the dress sparkles and engulfs her in a flame.

Once the prep team leaves, I remember what Haymitch had mentioned to me earlier. He's worried about her interview because none of his angles are working. I want to laugh in disbelief when he says she can't be sexy, because I think that she can't not be sexy. But he is nervous, which makes me nervous. If tonight goes right she will have sponsors. She needs them, it can be the difference between life and death.

"So, all ready for the interview then?" I ask casually. Her red lips pout and she starts fidgeting. Nope.

"I'm awful. Haymitch called me a dead slug. No matter what we tried, I couldn't do it. I just can't be one of those people he wants me to be." And just when I think she can't be any more beautiful….

"Why don't you just be yourself?" I ask her, and resist the urge to stroke her face.

"Myself? That's no good either. Haymitch says I'm sullen and hostile," she says. What makes Haymitch think he has the right to make her feel like she isn't good enough, she it's all of us who are not good enough for her, who do not deserve to even be in her presence with the way we are all carting her off to die. A flash of anger shoots through me. I consider Haymitch's words, and I guess he is sort of right. When she is around him she is that way, but around me she is not that way at all. I like this.

"Well, you are…around Haymitch," I say with a grin. "I don't find you so. The prep team adores you. You even won over the Gamemakers. And as for the citizens of the Capitol, well, they can't stop talking about you. No one can help but admire your spirit." _And I can't stop thinking about you. _

She seems relieved at my words, if only a little. I can't fight the urge anymore. I need to touch her, so I grab her hands. They are ice cold. "Suppose when you answer the questions, you think you're addressing a friend back home. Who would your best friend be?"

"Gale," she says without hesitation. "Only it doesn't make sense, Cinna. I would never be telling Gale those things about me, He already knows them." I feel a brief tinge of jealousy towards this guy. I want to know her as well as he does. I wonder if she could consider me a friend, even though we all must seem so despicable to her. What reason would she have to trust me, or anyone from the Capitol?

"What about me? Could you think of me as a friend?"

She considers this for a moment. "I think so but…"

"I'll be sitting on the platform with the other stylists. You'll be able to look right at me. When you're asked a question, find me, and answer it as honestly as possible," I tell her.

"Even if what I think is horrible?" I ask. I want to chuckle at this, but don't.

"Especially if what you think is horrible," I answer. "You'll try it?"

She nods and relief floods through me. She will be just fine, I will get here through this. As we walk out and I go to turn the doorknob she stops my hand. A current of pleasure pulses at the spot she touches me.

"Cinna…" She says my name, and I can't help but like the way it sounds on her tongue. I try not to think about her whispering it against my lips.

"Remember, they already love you." I say gently. _And so do I. _"Just be herself."

As I watch her up on the stage, I am nervous for her. I can feel her distress from my seat and I wish that things were different. That she didn't have to be forced on to live television. When it's her turn I find it hard to breath. I'm wondering what they will ask her, and I hope that it's not something that will set her off or make her freeze up. The question is pretty harmless though, if you forget that it's completely ignorant. He asks her what impresses her most about the capitol so far, like she really wants to be here. For a moment my heart drops into my throat and I think she is going to freeze up. She looks at Caesar as if she is confused, and he repeats the question. She locks eyes with me, and I nod in encouragement.

"The lamb stew," she says. The audience loves it, I hear people laughing all around me.

"The one with the dried plums?" Caesar asks. "I eat it by the bucketful. It doesn't show does it?" I appreciate that he is trying to help her out, it makes things easier for her.

"Now Katniss," He says. "When you came out in the opening ceremonies, my heart actually stopped. What did you think of that costume?" She looks at me again and I raise an eyebrow at her.

"You mean after I got over my fear of being burned alive?" She asks. _There's my girl. _

She gets a big reaction from the audience. Everyone is laughing. My heart swells with pride. I knew she could do it.

"Yes. Start then," says Caesar. Her faces changes, because sincere. She turns to me, real affection in her eyes. My heart starts beating harder in my chest. That's the effect she has on me.

"I thought Cinna was brilliant and it was the most gorgeous costume I'd ever seen and I couldn't believe I was wearing it. I can't believe I'm wearing this, either." She lifts the skirt and spreads it out. "I mean look at it!"

_Look at you._

I make the slightest circular motion with my figure and she knows what I'm saying. _Twirl for me. _

She does, twice and the audience cheers. She has to steady herself with Caesars arm, and she giggles when he asks her not to stop.

"I have to. I'm dizzy." Her giggle is the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

Caesar wraps an arm around her, and it rubs me the wrong way. I ignore it though, and focus on Katniss. I'm proud of her, she's doing perfectly. I am sure she will have sponsors. They joke about Haymitch's fall off of the stage during the reaping as I try not to glare at Caesar's arm. They touch on the topic of the demonstration for the Gamemakers, they ask her what she did to get an eleven. A Gamemaker shouts that she can't say anything about it.

Then things get serious when they ask about her sister. I can see the pain her face. She tells everyone how she promised her sister she would win. I know the audience is eating out of the palm of her hand. I try to ignore the pain her expression is planting in my heart and focus on the good. So many tributes on that stage don't have a whisper of a chance. But Katniss does.

She looks at me afterwards and I give her a subtle thumbs up.

Peeta comes out next, and I zone out through most of the conversation trying to figure out other ways I can help Katniss. I think of things I can design in the form of protective wear in the arena. I get pulled back into the conversation by the women clapping and hooting in response to Caesar asking him if he had a romantic interest. Most of it I don't pay attention to, until the very end.

"Because… because she came here with me."

As I'm walking out into the lobby I hear shouting. I can hear that it's Katniss, but I can't tell what she is saying. I break into a run, turning the corner to see Peeta laying in broken glass that can from a ugly vase. Katniss is angry, worried Peeta made her look weak. Some girls would have been eating out of the palm of Peeta's hand, some would have loved the attention. Katniss wasn't that type of girl. It didn't even seem fitting to call her a girl. She was a woman, a beautiful, strong, woman. I was proud of her for standing up for herself but I know Haymitch is right when he explains that it makes her appear desirable. The Capitol will be eating it up. I tell her this, and she calms down. Then she is self-conscious and worried about whether she seemed believable. Portia tells her that it was perfect, it could definitely seem like she loved him. I find myself wondering if she does but I don't really think so. She's warmer to me than him. He's her opponent. It's him or her. For the rest of the night, I find myself wondering if she could ever possibly love me.

The day that I had dreaded comes way too soon. I can't eat, and I don't sleep the night before. I think of going to Katniss, telling her how I feel but it doesn't seem right to even bring up such a thing the night before she heads into an arena to try and survive. If she got out, then I would. I would tell her how I feel. Maybe she would return my feelings, but until then I would keep them to myself. She didn't need any distractions. So I stay in my room, trying to keep myself sane as I watch the clock tick down to the time when I would have to go prepare her for the arena. I felt anxious to see her, but I was dreading this. Would I be able to let her go? Is there any way that I could just sneak her out of here? If I didn't think that we had no chance to make it out I would do it. But we wouldn't. I would lift a finger and we would both be dead before we made it out of here. I was going to just have to watch her fight for her life and be powerless to do anything about it. I let my mind think about when she makes it out alive what I will say to her.

When I finally see her, it takes everything not to lose my cool. I don't even know what I want to do, scream, cry, punch things, hold her, kiss her, and take her away, start killing every single capitol person in here that I had to get here out of here. Her fear was on her face. She was pale, and she looked like a girl who was walking to her death. I had a brief flash of her cold, stiff body being sent back to me. I would have to dress her and do her makeup before sending her back home. The pain nearly brings me to my knees. I want to tell her how much I care about her, about how I'll be here waiting for her, and kiss her until I memorize every detail so I can replay it back over and over until I saw her again.

She somehow manages to force herself to eat and I'm glad. She needs to get as much in her as possible. We get her tracker in place and then travel to the launch room. It takes a half an hour and neither of us speak. Nothing I can say will make anything better for either of us. She takes a shower, and then I do her hair, enjoying the feel of it against my fingers. It's so soft and I never want to stop touching her. I take it all in and enjoy it as if it is the last time I would ever see my girl on fire. I put it in a braid.

We get her dressed. I inform her that the material in the jacket is made to reflect body heat. She will need to expect cold nights. Nothing I actually say to her is what I want to say, but I remind myself she doesn't need my feelings distracting her right now. I pull out her pin, which I got off of her outfit on the train, and kept in my pocket for this day. I pin it to her and then look her deep in her eyes. She asks me where I got it and I tell her. I ask her to walk around and make sure everything fits okay and she says that it is fine. There is nothing left to do but wait now, so I try to convince her to eat more but she can't. She sips water. I can feel her panic rising by the minute. She starts pressing her arm so hard it's bruising. I want to kiss it, but I ask her if she wants to talk instead. She takes my hand and I try to keep my breath steady. I hold hers in both of mine, cradling it as if it would protect her in some way.

It's finally time.

"Remember what Haymitch said. Run, find water. The rest will follow," I tell her. I try to keep the panic and despair out of my own voice. She nods.

I stare into her eyes, wishing I could tell her so many things. Wishing I had more time to know this girl, and pray that I will be able to know her in her future.

"And remember this. I'm not allowed to bet, but if I could, my money would be on you." _Come back to me, Katniss. I will be here when you do. _

"Truly?" She whispers. If she only knew.

"Truly." I say. I lean down and kiss her on the forehead. My lips tingle from the contact, and I fight the urge to tilt her chin up and meet her lips. I can smell her hair, she smells wonderful I try to remember the scent so I can keep her with me. "Good luck girl on fire."

The glass cylinder comes down breaking my hold on her. I tap my fingers under my chin, and hope she doesn't lose consciousness before she gets sent up. She rises up above me and is gone.

I choke back tears.

I head back to my room and switch the TV on. Other than getting updates from Haymitch about sponsors for Katniss, I do not move from in front of the Tv. I do not even sleep until I pass out from exhaustion. I'm glued to the TV, watching Katniss, making sure my girl on fire is still alive. It doesn't start off good. She nearly give me a heart attack when I can see her contemplating grabbing supplies instead of running. I'm silently yelling at her to run in my head. Then she almost dyes of dehydration while I pass the room, nearly driving everyone who talks to me crazy. I'm not pleasant to be around. I yell at Haymitch to help her and he reassures that he doesn't need to. She's close to water. She will find it soon and he doesn't want to waste the supplies. She will get them when she needs them. I watch her nearly give up and lay down and give in until she digs her hands in mud. Overall, I am completely impressed and entranced with my girl on fire. She is smart, and is obviously a great hunter.

When they start throwing fireballs at her I almost lose my mind. All I can think is they are doing it because of me. I want to kill every single Gamemaker, and I think I nearly do. She's badly burned, and I can't believe she outruns those fireballs. She never stops amazing me. My heart swells with love for her when she takes Rue on as an Alley, when Katniss sings I cry for minutes, when Rue dies I cry for hours. Katniss shows a side of herself that I knew was there but hadn't had a chance to see. She's just as caring as she is strong. I'm convinced she must be an angel and if she doesn't make it out of this it's because she is too good for this world.

When she kisses Peeta in the cave my heart breaks. That's the first time I doubt that we have a chance. I root for her, I clutch the edge of my seat, pace, scream and yell and cry. I watch her nurse Peeta to health, I watch her care for him and kiss him and I wish it was me. When she drugs him to get him medicine I'm amazed at her once again. She is selfless.

Then it happens, she wins and my world shift. I can't contain my excitement, I jump up in the air. I knew she could do it. She's a survivor. She has fire in her heart. When her and Peeta return, it's clear that they are in love. They never leave each other's side and it isn't how it is in the beginning of the games. When I see her again, I hug her tightly. There's so much I want to say. I never want to let her go. I want to rub and kiss every inch of injury and nurse her back to health myself. I want to pamper her, take away the pain she went through. But I don't go there. Every time I see her after that I just do my job and when she leaves I manage to hide my pain. I miss her every day. I think about her constantly. I try not to think of her with Peeta, it kills me.

I throw myself back into my work. Many of my designs are still for Katniss. I start to feel a little better when Effie has me call her to work on her fake talent. I feel good knowing I can help her in some way. I hadn't seen her again until today. When she told me that her and Peeta weren't in love. I was wrong. Suddenly, I felt like I missed so much time. I was pleased at the way she greeted me though, and I can't say I mind that she lost her robe either.

And then, she kissed me. I know my heart stopped for at least five seconds. Her lips were hot like fire, and soft against mine. I wanted to kiss her until she couldn't take it anymore, but I had to get away and think. Even now, I can't get over the shock.

_She kissed me._

Maybe there is a chance I can keep my girl on fire after all.

**I've been alone with you inside my mind**

**And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times**

**I sometimes see you pass outside my door**

**Hello, is it me you're looking for?**

**I can see it in your eyes**

**I can see it in your smile**

**You're all I've ever wanted**

**And my arms are open wide**

**Cause you know just what to say**

**And you know just what to do**

**And I want to tell you so much**

**I love you**

**I'd love to see the sunlight in your hair**

**And tell you time and time again how much I care**

**Sometimes I feel my heart will over flow**

**Hello, I've just got to let you know**

**Cause I wonder where you are**

**And I wonder what you do**

**Are you somewhere feeling lonely?**

**Or is someone loving you?**

**Tell me how to win your heart**

**For I haven't got a clue**

**But let me start by saying**

**I love you**

**Hello- Lionel Richie**


	3. Chapter 3

When Effie gets me up for breakfast the next morning the first thing I think of when my eyes open is Cinna's kiss. I find myself wanting to go to him right away, but I know I will see him soon enough. When I go to breakfast Peeta, Effie, Haymitch and Cinna are all sitting at the table already eating. I must have slept in for the first time since the Games. Cinna looks up from his plate as soon as I walk in and I see a gleam in his eyes. He looks strikingly handsome and I can feel my heart pounding hard in my chest. His golden eyeliner is making the gold in his eyes stand out, and the sunlight streaming through the windows of the train just seems to make them shine more. I smile at him and sit in the seat across from him, in between Peeta and Effie. As they all make small talk I fill my plate with more food than I've probably eaten in weeks. This seems to please Cinna, who nods in approval. I start shoving food in my mouth and all of the sudden I feel like I haven't eaten in months. No one reprimands me for eating too fast, or not chewing my food. They are all probably just happy to see me eat more than a few grapes and a piece of toast.

I watch Cinna's face for signs that he regrets the kiss. I don't see anything close to it. I feel like there is a magnet in the middle of the table pulling me to him. I push my foot forward until it's against his and I feel his leg jump in surprise but he leaves his foot against mine. I try to pretend I'm listening to everyone else so I don't stare at Cinna and give anything away to the others, but when I do look at him I catch him sneaking in glances at me too. I wonder how long we will need to keep this a secret because it's killing me already. I eat most of my food but am full quickly. When I'm done I excuse myself from the table and go back to my room. I know Cinna will be in shortly to get me ready for my day. I know going to district eleven is going to be the hardest part of this tour. I try to brace myself but I know there is nothing I can do to make myself ready for this.

I'm relieved when Cinna finally arrives. He knocks lightly on the door and I let him in. As soon as he gets inside the door and it's closed behind him he pulls me into a hug. He holds me tightly for about a minute, not saying anything. He must know what today is, and he knows how this is going to kill me. When he does pull away he looks into my eyes and runs a hand through my hair stopping at the back of my head holding my gaze to his.

"I'm sorry I left so quickly last night. You surprised me." He says softly. I see him searching my face for the same thing I was searching his for. He is looking for any signs that it may have been a mistake.

"It's okay," I whisper. I look directly into his eyes, letting him see my feelings. The gold in his eyes seems to sparkle and my heart speeds up even more. I reach for the hand that isn't behind my head and place it over my heart. I know he can feel it, and I see something cross his features. It looks like a mix of love and need. After a moment he moves his hand up below his other one on my head and pulls me in for a kiss.

I realize quickly that he was holding out on me last night. His kisses are urgent, and his arms wrap around me tightly. I return his kisses with every ounce of passion that I have in me. I love the way he tastes, so I push my tongue into his mouth trying to taste more of him. He moans softly and then pulls away slowly and both of us try to catch our breath. We stand there still holding on to each other.

"I wanted to tell you how I felt before you went into the arena," he tells me when his breath is even again. "But I didn't think you needed the distraction. When you came back I thought you and Peeta were in love and I didn't want to disrespect that in any way."

"It's okay Cinna," I tell him and this time I touch his hair. It's so soft I run my hands through it a few more times. "We all had a lot going on. Snow wants us to prove our love for each other, to pacify the districts."

I see fear register in Cinna's eyes. "Katniss, if Snow has it out for you I doubt there is much you can do. He wants you to stop an uprising that he feels like you started. You sparked something in people. There is nothing that is going to stop it now. No matter what you do, you have inspired people. There's no going back now."

I try to process his words. I know he is right, I've known it all along. All of this is for nothing. No matter what I do I will not be able to pacify the districts, they have already made up their mind. Snow has something planned for me and whatever it is, it isn't good.

"I just want to keep the people I care about safe," I tell him. He nods at me. I can tell he is thinking now, trying to think of a way out of this.

"I will do everything in my power to help you," he tells me and steps away so he can grab the dress he is planning to dress me in. I can tell by the look he is going for that he is already trying to make me look more girlish, more innocent. He knew I was in trouble.

When he does done I look very naturally beautiful and sweet. Definitely not a girl that would dare go against Snow. Everything seems to fly by after that. Seeing Rue's family turns out to be worse than I thought it would be. Peeta reads lines for most of the time while her family glares at me. I just can't bring myself to speak, because I know I won't be able to control my emotions. I will say something wrong and get someone hurt. I don't want to give Snow anything to use against me and Peeta is a smooth talker. He can get us through this. I look at Rue's family standing in front of a picture of Rue. I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's hot outside and I'm sweating. I lock eyes with Rue's mother. I try to tell her telepathically everything I wish I could say, everything I would say if I didn't want to get someone killed. I hold her gaze, and when Peeta is done speaking and right before the doors close behind her I mouth "I'm sorry." I promise myself that someday, somehow, I will honor Rue the right way. I know snow is watching so I hold myself together until we get back inside and then I lose it.

I sink to my knees and sob, I'm shrieking things like "they hate me" and "she was too young" and other things I can't remember. I can't see, my eyes are full of tears and I can't see a thing, it doesn't matter though. I don't plan on moving. It only takes a few seconds before I feel a couple of pairs of hands on me, which I assume is Haymitch and Effie because I heart them talking to me, trying to comfort me. Even though I hear their words, I don't comprehend them. All I can think about is Rue, and how I couldn't save her. I couldn't tell her family how much I loved her, and how beautiful she was. I am the capitol's puppet and at the moment my life isn't worth living anymore. The only things that are keeping me going is my mother and Prim. And Cinna of course. When I think of Cinna I finally manage to calm down enough to come back to reality. I wipe my eyes and take in my surroundings, I'm sitting in the dining room and Cinna, Effie, Haymitch, and Peeta are all sitting around me, staring at me all of them look concerned but like they aren't quite sure what to do or say. I am surprised that Peeta seems to actually be worried, it's the first time he has shown any emotion or concern about me since before our conversation on the way home from the games.

"It's alright, sweetheart," Haymitch starts. "You got through it, you did what you had to do."

"I wish I could have said more, for Rue."

"You did the right thing though. They are watching you and if you say the wrong thing they will take it out on someone you love. I have seen Snow do it to countless people. Including me." Haymitch pours himself a drink. I realize that I didn't know much about Haymitch. He had won the games, he has no family. We are his family now, I wonder if the reason is because Snow killed them. The blood drains from my face. Snow makes a habit of this. He does what he wants with his victors.

Everyone else sits at the table and listens to our conversation. All of them looking off in the distance, with grave looks on their faces. It's obvious the mood is not light.

"What happened to you?" I ask him then, needing to know his story.

"Snow didn't like the way I won the games. I figured out there was a force field that bounced things back up and I used it to my advantage. Before I even returned home they killed my family and my girl." He says softly, yet almost detached.

"I'm so sorry Haymitch." I say, and that's all I can really tell him. I need to cry again. I am completely doomed. I can't have a life. I have to constantly think about every move I make and how it might affect Prim or my mother. Haymitch, Peeta, Effie, and Cinna. They are all my family too now, and I can't let anything happen to them. Haymitch shrugs as if he has long accepted it. Though we all know he hasn't. I'm scared for everyone around me.

"I don't want any of you to get hurt. I love each and every one of you," I tell them looking across the table. "I will do what I need to do to keep you safe, promise."

All of their faces seem to lighten a little, along with the mood.

"We feel the same we about you, Katniss," Cinna says, his voice deeper than usual, thick with some kind of emotion.

I feel Cinna's foot touch mine. I look up at him, trying to keep my expression neutral. No one is looking at us though, they are all too busy staring at one thing or another. I pushed my foot back against his and let the corner of my lip curl up a little and give him a look that says "don't worry I'll be fine." It didn't seem to comfort him much. He was looking at me like I might break again at any minute. I knew he wanted to touch me, talk to me, I could see it in his eyes. I look away quickly before I do something stupid and let everyone in on our little secret.

I decide that I can't live like this. I will not be the Capitol's puppet anymore. I will not hide my love for Cinna, and I will find a way to keep my family and Gale safe. I think of Rue's face and add kill Snow to my mental list.

I pour myself a drink and gulp it down fairly quickly. I'm thirsty from crying and this wine actually doesn't taste as dry as the first wine I tried the last time I had tried it on the train. I can see everyone watching me when I pour my second. And when I pour my third their faces are almost comical, each in a different way. Effie was frowning at me, Peeta was raising an eyebrow. Haymitch look amused. Cinna looks suprised, yet entertained. I smiled at them all.

"You should slow down dear," Effie says politely, rising to her feet and flattening her skirt with her palms. "I'll go get some bread."

"I'll be heading to my room, I'm exhausted." Peeta said and left without a look. When he treats me like this, it really doesn't make me feel bad about the way I feel.

"Sweet dreams," says Haymitch, who is leaning back in his chair. I'm almost positive he is going to fall out of it at some point.

That leaves Cinna, Haymitch and I, awkward. Haymitch surprises me when he tops off my glass and gives me a wink. I wink back and gulp the glass down. That earns a chuckle from Haymitch. I feel absolutely drunk now. I usually don't like feeling this fuzzy, but tonight I don't mind. I stand up, and wobble a little. I pour myself another glass and then head toward the door. I don't really walk very straight.

"Would you like me to help you, Katniss?" Cinna offers. I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips, Haymitch raises an eyebrow but he knows I'm not all there right now so hopefully he doesn't think much of it.

"Er….sure," I say, turning away from the both of them. I walk like a sober person somehow, but my legs feel like jelly. Cinna is right beside me by the time I reach the hallway. He places his hand on my shoulder like he is guiding me. I'm feeling bold so I slip my arm through his. Hey, I'm drunk, I need the support. He holds on to me firmly, and I let him support me a bit because my legs feel like jelly. I here Effie's heels tapping behind us. I swing around, a little more animated than I meant to, and see her chasing after us with rolls in one hand and a glass of water in the other. I grab the rolls and Cinna takes the water.

"Thanks Effie," I say. She really is just so sweet. I hold my arms out for a hug even though my hands are full. She smiles back and gives me a quick hug, obviously worried I was going to spill something on her capitol-wear. I would honestly be doing her a favor. Sometimes some of the things she wears are kind of nice. But not this dress, she looks like a bird. I turn then and Cinna's arm is there supporting me again. I'm such a light weight.

"I'll take her outside to get some fresh air," Cinna tells Effie reassuringly, and I smile at her. She seems pleased with this and turns to go.

"We will be in district ten around one." She calls back over her shoulder. "Try to take it easy Katniss, It won't be fun when you are hung over tomorrow."

Her words to not scare me, I feel like not much can reach me right now. I understand why Haymitch drinks. Cinna looks slightly amused, yet concerned as he guides me toward the doors that lead off of the side of the train. He doesn't speak until we are outside, and we have walked a few minutes. Even in my hazy state, I realize that we were able to get out without a witness in site, and we are far enough now to say what we want, even do what we want. We find a broken tree stump to sit down on, and I sip my water, trying to clear my head.

Cinna knows that I'm not okay, so he doesn't ask that question. "Is there anything you need?" he asks instead. I look at him. He is sitting with his body angled toward me, the basket of rolls on his lap. It's getting dark, and the sun is setting behind him. I want to lick my lips at the sight of him, yet refrain, trying not to let the alcohol influence me at this moment.

"Yes, bread." I say, and snatch a roll out of his lap. It's warm, and soft and delicious. "Oh, I love Effie for bringing me these." He laughs softy and hands me another one.

"If you are hungry, there is no shortage of food on the train." He reminds me gently. "You don't have to eat just bread, Katniss."

That makes me realize that Cinna probably doesn't realize that I have been close to starvation my whole life. I'm sure he knows how it is in the districts, but I wonder if he has ever been close to starvation. This bread is as good as steak to me, as good as any food. I smile at him, the alcohol making me dizzy.

"It's okay, really. This is like heaven to me."

He nods, and I know he understands. "You wouldn't believe how hard it was to watch you almost starve to death in the arena. To watch you lie down, and almost die from dehydration. There was nothing I could do to help you. I felt helpless. I will make sure you never go hungry again, you or your family." His eyes look dark, it's the first time I've seen him show his emotions around me. He touches my face, caressing my cheek with his thumb. I feel it all the way down my spine. I remember back in the arena, when I thought I was going to die. I was seconds away, until I realized I was in mud, and somehow made it to the water. Everyone I love had to watch that.

My heart starts pounding in my chest, and I felt dizzy again. I'm not sure if it is the alcohol or the way Cinna is making it hard to breathe, by staring at me with those beautiful golden rimmed eyes. I can't help myself, I pull him against me and I hear his sharp intake of breath. I press my lips against him urgently, definitely letting the alcohol take over. It is making me feel braver and I straddle Cinna's lap. I can feel him gripping my hips tightly with his strong and talented hands. A moan escapes my lips, and I press my chest against him. My hands are on the back of his head, in his hair holding him to me. He tastes so good, like sugar cookies and cinnamon. I can feel the urgency in his kisses, and when he hears my sighs he kisses me harder, more intently.

When he pulls back, I am gasping. His face is so intense it makes my lower stomach tighten, and I want my body against him again. I can see my own arousal reflected in his eyes. I know he wants me as much as I want him. The lust in his eyes is enough to make me want to moan, and try to get his lips back to me. I frown at him, and my eyes drop to his lips.

I trace them with my fingers as he says "we need to get back to the train."

It's everything I have to pull myself away from him. But we can't be doing this here, even if we weren't seen going outside, eventually someone will notice I'm missing. The longer we are out here, the more chance we have of getting caught. And getting in a ton of trouble. I nod and Cinna helps me get up. The alcohol is still making my legs wobbly, and he takes my arm and supports my weight.

It seems like a forever before we are back inside the train, we put the rest of the bread and water on the dining room table and Cinna leads me back to my room. I feel his warm hands on my arm, and I'm am aware of nothing else. When we get back to my room, he leads to the bathroom, probably the only place without cameras. When the bathroom door is shut, Cinna pins me against the wall and lifts me up a few inches until I'm face to face with him, pinned between him in the wall. I wrap my legs around him, and he lets out a small sigh.

His warm, firm, full lips press against mine and his aroma is making me even more light headed. I could get lost in this sensation forever. All I am aware of his Cinna pushing his delicious tongue into my mouth, his hard body pushed into mine. I feel myself tingling between my legs and I press against him. He groans into my mouth which just turns me on more.

He pulls his lips away from mine and rests his face on my shoulder. His lips are against my neck, one of his hands is on my hips, the other in my hair.

"God, you don't know what you do to me." His voice is rough, yet still smooth. "But you've been drinking. We should probably wait. I want you to be clear headed if we were to go further."

I want to protest, but I don't. If he isn't comfortable with me being a little inebriated, this will have to wait. I unwrap my legs and slide down his body, which really just makes me want to climb back up. He steps back and I don't like the lack of contact. A grin spreads over his face, he can see what he is doing to me. My need for him must be written all over my face. He seems to notice, and his need seems to match mine.

"I'm going to get changed." I tell him, and he nods. He looks so sexy, his lips are swollen from my kisses. The look on his face can only be described as incredibly aroused. I wonder how long it will take until I'm not technically drunk. I'm vaguely aware that it is getting late, and we have to be up fairly early in the morning.

"I'm going to head to my room, I have some designs I need to get done before this weekend." Ugh. I had forgotten about the party at Snow's mansion this weekend. It was only two days away. Tomorrow district ten, the next day nine, and then we will be attending some party at Snow's that has nothing to do with us, be we were invited to.

"Joy." I tell him, and the pure sarcasm in my voice makes him chuckle.

"I will see you in the morning." He leans in and I'm once again overwhelmed by his scent. "Get some sleep beautiful, I'll be thinking of you."

His breath against my neck makes me shiver.

"Goodnight." I whisper and watch him go.

I shower, change and brush my hair. When I lay down in bed it doesn't take long before I pass out.

For the next three days I barely see Cinna. We see each other at breakfast, and I see him when he gets me dressed once a day, but we are never alone. At night I'm so tired I usually pass out, but it seems as if no one is sleeping on the train anymore. There is always people up ad walking around. Everyone is getting ready for Snow's party. It's the party of the year and a lot of planning goes into it. Even Effie is more busy than usual, even for her extremely busy self. She is party planning along with everyone else. Even Peeta is making cakes for the party. Nothing has changed between him and I. He doesn't give me the time of day. While it bothers me a little, I figure it is for the best considering what is going on between Cinna and me. Peeta does most of the talking in the districts though, which I am thankful for. No matter what is going on between us, we are still looking out for the other's life, so I am always thankful for him. I miss Cinna so much, he is all I can think about. I find myself longing for the day when I can love him without having to hide it, or be away from him for so long. It nearly drives me mad thinking about how long it could be before that happens. Him and I have to get through with the things we are telling each other with our eyes, every second we have a chance.

When I finally see him again, it's the night of the party. Of course, we aren't alone. The whole prep team is in the room. Dozens of people running in and out, who are either assisting the prep team or running in and out to ask them questions. I sit in a chair in the middle of my room, watching everyone run around. I watch Cinna work, and I was just as impressed by him as usual. He is moving around swiftly, yet with a purpose, giving orders to the prep team, getting my dress laid out, grabbing the make-up palate he wanted them to use, which looked like a lot of blacks, greys and silvers. My dress is black and sparkling, diamonds catching the light and shinning it back in a million different colors. My hair is done in long curls, waving down past my shoulders, half way to my waist. I looked like a movie star, my olive skin was flawless and sparkling along with my dress. When I saw myself, there were tears in my eyes. Cinna could hardly take his eyes off of me, stealing glances every chance he got, his eyes telling me what his words couldn't say. He missed me too.

When the prep team cleared out we got a minute to ourselves and I threw myself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

"I miss you." I whispered, urgency in my voice.

He squeezed me tighter. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

"I think I do." I pressed a quick kiss to his lips. His eyes sparkled at me, a grin spreading over his lips. He then steps back and drops his hands from me and I wonder if it bothers him as much as it bothers me.

"We have to go now."

"You will be there?" I ask, praying the answer is yes.

"Of course," he says, and opens the door as he places his hand on my lower back, making me shiver. "We are going together, right now."

He leads me to the exit of the train. We meet Effie and Peeta outside and Cinna steps back while Peeta steps next to me, and I snake my arm around his. It feels wrong, like it doesn't belong there. From the vibes coming off, of him I can tell he isn't having the best time either. Cinna has a scowl on his face, obviously not enjoying me hanging onto Peeta. Effie starts her usual instructions, and Haymitch joins us on the way as she is telling us to smile, and that everyone is here to see us.

It is all pretty awkward, I am trying to walk in my tall heals, I awkwardly dance with Peeta, occasionally getting passed off to other strangers that want to meet me. I eat some of Peeta's cake which is amazing, and sip one some wine, trying to calm my nerves. I feel uneasy being around so many people, especially since everyone seemed to want to introduce themselves to Peeta and I. Him and I are civil to each other all night, and he is a perfect gentlemen. As we dance and we both fake laugh and each other's jokes and force ourselves to not scowl as we hold each other close. I see Cinna sneaking peaks at us, often over someone else's shoulder. He seems upset, and I hope he knows I wish it was his arms around me. I wouldn't have to pretend to be in love then.

About three hours into the night, President Snow makes an appearance. He is up on a beautifully decorated balcony above all of us. Haymitch appears behind Peeta and I as he starts his speech, thanking everyone for attending. The look on Haymitch's face tells me that something is wrong. He comes up beside me very close to me and leans over so his lips are right outside of my ear. He speaks fast, and quietly in my ear, I can smell the liquor on him and resist the urge to pull away.

"We have a problem. I spoke to Snow right before he went up to make his speech. He insists that you and Peeta are married. Peeta already knows, he has a ring and he is going to propose in a couple of minutes. Remember, you are in love, you are happily surprised. Snow wants you to screw this up. Don't." My heart drops. I can feel my cheeks burning red, but I don't let my emotions show. In a way I had expected this. Peeta and I had to be together now, every year for as long as we are alive. We will be mentors, we will be in front of the cameras. Tears sting my eyes, but I fight them back. All I can see is Cinna's face. Oh god, what will he think? This is horrible, this can't happen. I can't marry Peeta, I will have to find a way out of it. It's not that he is a bad person, or that there is anything wrong with him at all. My heart just isn't his and I can't pretend that it is. He deserves so much better, he deserves to receive love. We shouldn't have to settle like this, it isn't right. I want so much more for him.

As soon as Snow is done speaking, a spotlight shines on Peeta and I right where we are standing. I see Cinna step into the crowd in front of us.

Peeta stands in front of me and takes my hand. His blue eyes gaze into mine, and I see the sadness in his eyes. He knows this isn't right. Because I know him, I see this all over his face. A stranger wouldn't know the difference. Suddenly there are cameras, and microphones being shoved at us. I can't stop thinking of Cinna and I'm trying not to look at him. There seem to be a hundred lights on us now.

"Katniss," Peeta begins, and it is everything I can do it look at him in the eyes. I try to look happy, and in love and pray that I am pulling it off.

I remember Haymitch's words. Snow wants me to mess this up. Probably so he can kill me, and the rest of my family. And who knows who else.

"I've loved you since I met you, when we were kids. I know that I cannot live without you, and you have proved you can't live without me either." He says, softly, He goes down on one knee. "Will you marry me?"

I feel like I'm going to throw up as I croak out "Yes." I smile, and laugh although I'm holding back sobs. Peeta places the ring on my finger and it is obvious that neither one of us would have picked this ring out. He pulls me into a kiss, I return it with as much enthusiasm I can muster, and I pull him into a hug desperate to get away from his lips. I see Cinna over his shoulder and it takes everything I have in me not to pull away from Peeta and head to him immediately. The look on his face threatens to crush my heart. He looks like he is trying to hold his composure but it seems to be close to slipping. Everyone around is cheering and congratulating us. The rest of the night seems like a dream, it's a blur. I can barely remember half of the hundreds of people that congratulated me. I was so relieved when I could get away from Peeta. We boarded the train after the party and didn't say a word to each other. I went to my room to wait for Cinna. Curling up in a ball I cried, for probably an hour before I heard him tap on the door.

I wipe the tears from under my eyes, not wanting him to see them. I feel like I've cried all I can. I open the door and I'm once again floored beautiful this man is. Suddenly it's hard to breathe again. His face doesn't show any emotion, and he is silent as he comes through my door and then pushes it shut behind him. As soon as it's closed his mask falls, and he looks exhausted. He takes my hand and leads me to the bed where we sit together. He drops my hand and I place mine on my lap. He places his hands on the sides of his temples.

"I just spent the last hour talking to Snow." He says quietly, I can barely hear him. "I have no doubt in my mind that he plans to make your life hell." He sighs.

I don't ask Cinna what he means by this. I do not want to know. I've known Snow had it out for me from the beginning.

"I know." I tell him, and place a hand on his shoulder, he grabs it with his and gives it a squeeze.

"I already had to watch you suffer." He says sharply, staring into my eyes. "I'm not going to do it again."

I could tell that he was serious. "What are you planning?" I whisper. He smirks at me.

"Nothing useful, yet." I study his face, and I conclude that he is being honest. Have I ever known him to lie? I can't think of a time he ever had.

I'm relieved, if just for the moment. I spend so much of my time worried about everyone in my life. At least if Snow is planning a wedding, I must have at least a few weeks before I have to worry about his next move. Would he kill us on our "Honeymoon"? Stage a car accident, perhaps? How sad would that be? The people would eat it up. Everyone from the Capitol that is. People from district 12 may or may not believe it.

"The good news is I get to go home with you after the tour. We only have a week left and then a few parties, and then we get to plan your wedding." He pauses and I'm sure my face turns five shades of red when I remember that he will be making me wedding dress. My heart speeds up at the thought.

"Though it isn't going to be happening. Not with Peeta." He tells me, breaking me out of my thoughts. I wonder how I would feel if it were Cinna instead of Peeta, and I'm sure I'm going to blush.

"Okay." I say. I'm not sure if I'm optimistic that he can stop this, but I'm sure he is going to try.

"I want to kiss you." He whispers.

"Then do it."

He presses his lips to me quickly, and then pulls away.

"Snow is watching your every move." He tells me, and squeezes my hand again before letting it go. "Until we get home, I think it's best if I see you only as your stylist." I can feel my face fall, even though I know he is right. I want to argue, but I don't because I know he is being smart, and only trying to protect me.

"But when we get home," he continues, and lets his green eyes fall to my lips. "You are all mine."

It takes everything in me not to kiss him, to pull him close to me and show him that I don't want to marry Peeta, and that I am Cinna's. We haven't made anything official, but I feel like it is an unspoken truth. I am his. There is no one else that can make me feel the way he can.

"I am now." I tell him. His eyes flash with emotion. I see a fire in his eyes, I know that it takes everything in him to move off of my bed and to the door. I know he does it because if he didn't, we would probably end up ripping each other's clothes off here and now, and showing each other where we belong.

"Goodnight my girl on fire," he says in a low, rough voice, full of desire and emotions I can't quite place. I don't want him to go, because once he does I know that it will be almost two weeks before we can see each other like this again. I feel so lonely already.

Before I can say anything the door is closed and he is gone.


	4. Chapter 4

CPOV

I thought that watching Katniss being tortured in the Arena was the worst time of my life, but I was wrong. Those times were so bad for me, when she was in there fighting for her life and all I could do is watch and pray that she made it through each new ridiculous thing that the game makers threw at her. I wanted to kill each and every one of them myself. I would have, if I wouldn't have killed Katniss in the process. To me it seemed like the worse thing possible, watching this beautiful, sweet girl going through such hell. I was so proud of her when she won. I never doubted that she could win, but I was terrified that she wouldn't.

But now that she has won she cannot have peace. I desperately wish that I could take it all away from her, all the pain and the fear. It's bad enough what she had to go through before the Games. I had gathered bits and pieces of her life from Effie, Peeta, and Haymitch. When I heard about how she met Peeta, how he saved her life, I was so thankful to him and yet so sad that this girl had to go through starving and watching people around her die of starvation. I had never had to live like that, so I didn't really know how it felt but thinking of her going through it was enough to break my heart over again, every time the thought enters my mind. Which is often. When I first met her, she was pretty thin. When she came out of the arena, she was wasting away. I wanted to torture everyone who had any part of doing this to her, me included for not being able to stop this. All of these kids who die each year, and no one can stop it. The problem is not enough people in the Capitol want to stop it. They are two spoiled and self-centered to let it bother them because it doesn't affect them directly. If it were their children the tables would turn, I'm sure. When Katniss came along she started to change that, more people are so attached to her I think they are angry at the Capitol too. And Snow knows it. So he insists on making her life hell.

So, not only did she suffer before the games. Lost a parent, had to fight for her life to save her little sister, and she won. It should have stopped there, she should have earned her freedom. She should have been able to live in peace, happy, with her family. Yes, the worst part to me is that she is still suffering. But Snow knows that she will be the un-doing of him, because of her people are starting to care. She makes people want to be better, me included. She has brought out some of my most beautiful work. She inspires me, her spirit inspires me. Her beauty inspires me. She awakens everyone she meets, and Snow is determined to take her down with him. Not only is he trying to take her life, he has to make her as miserable as possible while he does it. I want to take her far from here, and make her happy. I want her to be able to live in peace, surrounded by her family, even Gale if she wants. Even though that may irritate me a bit. I just want her to have it all, and I want to be there with her. I want to make sure that she is loved the right way, make sure she has everything she needs. The first thing I would do is kiss every scar on her body, every place there has ever been pain. I will make sure she has all the food she needs. I will make sure she never has to worry again.

But first, I need to get her out of this alive. And unmarried, to Peeta at least. If she wants to marry me, who am I to stop her? I want to give her what she wants. Either way, I need to speak with Haymitch. Him and Heavensbee the new game-maker have been shutting themselves in rooms when the coast was clear, planning a way to get Katniss out of this. We didn't speak of it at first, but they have dropped me little hints here and there. The revolution is happening, Snow is falling from power, and this is all because of Katniss. They want to help. There are a lot of people in the Capitol, people who work for Snow who are having change of hearts. Realizing that they are killing innocent children, thanks to Katniss. When I find Haymitch, I am pleased that the coast is clear. I can't wait to speak with him. I'm going to go insane, I won't let this wedding happen. I can't. The thought of Katniss having to marry someone she isn't in love with is unbearable to me. Especially since that someone should be me.

I decide that I need to tell Haymitch everything. So when I see him, we sit down at a desk, behind closed doors and I pour us both a drink.

"There is something I need to tell you," I start and Haymitch gulps his drink. "I'm in love with Katniss."

I had his attention. He looks at me with alarm in his face. Leaning toward me, he grabs my arm.

"Jesus, Cinna!" he hisses, I can smell about three different kind of alcohol on his breath. "I hope you know what you are getting yourself into."

"I do." I reply, in a hushed tone. "That's why I'm here. I need to get Katniss out of this safely, whatever it takes."

Haymitch frowns at me, looking older than usual.

"I know you guys have been planning something and I want in." I tell him, staring right into his eyes. Letting him know I am serious.

"Yes, well we don't really have a plan yet. That's the problem, but when we do I will let you know. The first thing we need to do is stop this wedding from happening somehow, or get here out of here before that. Effie just told me that we have about six months, before the wedding. We just haven't seen an opportunity yet. You'll be returning to twelve with us right, you and Portia, to help with styling and wedding planning right?"

"Yes."

"How did you pull that off?"

"I convinced Portia and Effie that we needed to be there, to plan with Katniss's mother. I'll need to constantly be trying dresses on her and taking pictures along with other things. We convinced everyone we need to be there until the wedding."

Haymitch nods at me.

"Okay. Well, we have time. We will think of something. Until then, keep a low profile. The last thing we need is you two getting caught, assuming she returns your feelings?" he says, raising one eyebrow at me.

"It seems so." It seems too good to be true to me, but she does seem to care for me. "She's going through a lot. I'm not pressuring her."

It wouldn't matter if she didn't love me, I would still risk my life to spare hers. She has a beautiful heart. She is so unlike anyone else, so brave and strong.

Haymitch and I part ways, and I head back to my room to begin my sketches. I dread starting her wedding dress, so I will put that off until we are back in district 12. I can easily get any supplies sent in to me there if I need them. For now, I try to do my best not to think about her marrying Peeta. I don't like the emotions I feel when I do. So I plan her outfits for the rest of the tour, taking my time with each one. I try to perfect every little detail, thinking of Katniss as I work. It makes me feel good to think of her wearing things I make. I wonder what it would be like if we did get out of this and stay together. If she really does pick me, if she really does love me. If we were living together, would she still let me dress her? It would be weird not to. I think that would be a unique part of our relationship. To me, there is something so erotic in her wearing things I made with my hands. Things I design just for her, for her body. Things to bring out her beauty, which I am constantly amazed by as I work. But nothing is more beautiful than Katniss in her natural form. Katniss who is a hunter, a survivor. She is a girl who doesn't mind getting dirty, who doesn't wear makeup or perfume. She doesn't need to her natural beauty is intense and her inner beauty makes her irresistible. When I think of her scent, I need to stop because I start letting my mind wonder too far. I can't let it go there right now, because I can barely keep my eyes or hands off of Katniss as it is.

I find myself longing for this tour to be over, so she and I can spend so much more time together. There won't be cameras in her house, we will be free to do as we please. Thinking about this is what gets me through the rest of the tour. That, and a lot of sneaking glances at Katniss and missing her even though I see her every day. We are never, ever alone. It bothers me that I can't be there with her at night on the days that she has bags under her eyes and it is obvious she hadn't slept well. I wanted to ask her to tell me what was wrong, to tell me everything but I couldn't. There is no worse feeling in this world than watching someone you love suffer and not being able to do anything about it. Every time I dress her, I let my fingers linger on her skin the slightest bit. I touch her as much as I can without anyone getting suspicious. I make small talk with her, and she does the same back. Neither of us are saying what we actually need to, both of us trying to convey things to each other without speaking, without anyone knowing. Haymitch watches us closely, to make sure we are keeping up a good cover. He never has anything bad to say, so I figure we are do fine even though I'm always thinking someone can tell.

I know Portia can, but she hasn't said anything to me about it. She gives me glances here and there that make me sure she knows. She doesn't seem angry about it, she looks at me as if she pitys2 me. Me, the fool in love with a girl who always has death hanging over her. I know Portia is worried. About Katniss, Peeta, Effie, herself. She knows things are falling apart and tries to hide her fear, like we all do. We try to pretend everything is normal. The prep teams are clueless, and that makes things a little easier. Everyone has managed to pretty much leave Effie out of everything, as we adore her and never want her to be in any danger. Any more than she already is, than we all are.

I am thankful that I am not the only one fighting for Katniss. I'm not the only one that she touched in some way. Haymitch and Effie love her too. Haymitch more than anyone, sticks his neck out for her. I know it is because he sees a lot of himself in her. They are very much alike in many ways. Both strong willed individuals, who could win over anyone they meet if they put their minds to it. I watch all of her speeches throughout the tour, watching as the crowds spit angry words at her and Peeta, it was obvious that they didn't buy their words. They weren't on their side. Things were really happening, people were going to fight back. I was scared shitless for Katniss. I wouldn't show her though, I would never let her see how torn up I was. How much I wanted to go to her, how much I wanted to just hold her and take her away from these angry crowds and never let anyone get to her again.

She somehow walked out there in each District, said her lines and held herself together. I was yet again floored by her bravery. Such a good, gentle person should never have to go through the things she does. I was going +to spend the rest of my life trying to make hers so good, that she will nearly forget all of this. I will replace it all with so much pleasure, she will get through it. I kept telling myself this, as I tried to stay away. Tried not to kiss her as I applied her lip gloss. Tried to keep my touches professional, but they never were. At least I kept my thoughts to myself. For now. She didn't let her feelings show much either. I could see her pain, her confusion, her need. I counted down the days until we could be together and I could show her how much I love her. Show her everything I've wanted to show her for so long.

On the final night of the tour, I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin. I've missed Katniss so much it was unbearable, and I was sure I wouldn't stop touching her every second that I had the chance at least the next six months, but I was working on it being a lot longer than that. I keep telling myself to take one step at a time. We had to get Katniss out of her wedding, out of the Capitol and far away from here. Then I could start making her life better. Give her and her family the life they deserve. I have more money than I need, and so does she, but I will give her everything else. I will be her rock.

I wonder what she is thinking. Does she know how excited I am to be alone with her? Can she is through my perfectly composed mask that I feel restless? That this tour has been torture for me? I spend a lot of time thinking about how surprised I was when she told me that Peeta and Gale didn't make her feel the way I do. I really hadn't expected her to feel anything good towards me since I was part of this nightmare, one of the people dressing her up and sending her out to fight for her life. I thought she would hate me. I find myself smiling to myself way too much, and I'm sure Portia sees it. But one time I caught her smiling to herself when she thought I looked away. I did my best not to cringe every time Peeta touched her. Every time she was forced to kiss him. I wonder if she is thinking of me. I know I can't stop thinking of her, no matter how much I throw myself into my work. It's all for her after all.

Tonight there will be a party. Tomorrow morning we will be in District 12 and I couldn't be happier about it. Portia and I each get our own vacant houses in the Victors village and our prep teams will only be there when we need them, which means plenty of alone time for Katniss and I. Before I go to dress her, I get ready for the party myself. I let my thoughts wonder to what we will do when we get back. I want to go hunting with her, I want to see her shoot a bow, and I've heard she is heart stopping. Apparently, it's how she got her score during the little talent show for the game makers. I know she hates wearing dresses all the time. I made her some comfortable clothes for when we get home, and I have some stocked there already. The dress I made her tonight is going to make her shine, there is thousands of diamonds, in all colors on it, predominantly black. The opposite of white. It is skin tight, and strapless. It comes in at her waist and flows down to her ankles. I can't wait to get her in it and see what she thinks. It's a little darker than things I've been putting on her, definitely going to have to leave her hair down and put heavy eyeliner on those gorgeous grey eyes. She doesn't need fake lashes, even though we apply them sometimes. Her eyelashes are so long, I usually tell the prep team to leave them off thought they always fight me on it. I do her make-up myself a lot more lately, just so I can spend longer with her.

I go down the long hallway until I get to her room. I tap lightly, and am rewarded with her smiling face staring back at me when she opens the door. Her smiles are so rare, it instantly brightens my outlook on the night. I'm so happy just to be with her, know she is safe. That is all that matters to me. I know tonight I'm going to have to watch her with Peeta, but it's just for tonight. Tomorrow things will be better. I return her smile and greet the rest of the prep team who appear behind her, without missing a beat. After I explain to them how I want her make-up run to get some coffee since I've barely slept for weeks. When I get to the coffee Peeta is there, nibbling on a donut and I can tell when his eyes meet mine that he knows about Katniss and I. This alarms me instantly, even though it shouldn't. Peeta would never do anything to hurt Katniss. He would never tell on her, it would get her killed. That doesn't mean he doesn't want me killed. I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything. I pour my coffee, and add the sugar I need and turn to leave.

"You better protect her, Cinna." I have a feeling that is the only thing he is ever going to say to me again judging from the tone of his voice, and finality in the way he said it. I nod back at him and hurry away before he gets us caught.

As I go back to the room, I wonder if that means he is putting her in my hands now. Maybe it means he will move on. I know he is in love with Katniss, and to be honest it worries me a little because I know she loves him back. With so much happening in her life, does she even really know what she wants? She is just trying to get by, we all are. I won't pressure her to tell me the answer, she will in her own time. When I enter, the prep team is nearly finished with her make-up. I stand in the corner and drink my coffee as I watch them finish. Katniss is sitting in the chair, hands folded on her lap, looking about as exhausted as I feel.

When they finish, I excuse the prep team and Katniss and I actually get a moment alone. She looks shockingly beautiful, like a dark queen, her makeup makes her look almost terrifying, in a sexy way. They did a perfect job. Tonight I want her to feel powerful, to have gotten through this. When the door closes behind the prep team, I set my coffee on an end table and stand in front of her. She stares back at me, and I can tell that she's glad to see me. I cup her chin with my hand for a brief moment. Her skin feels like silk, and I just want to caress it but I refrain for now. I have plenty of time for that starting tomorrow.

"You should try and enjoy yourself tonight. It's over, you get to go home tomorrow." I tell her and she gives me a polite smile.

"I know, I am so happy about that."

"Well, so am I. I'm getting my own house next to you for the next six months." I inform her and her eyes light up. This makes my heart speed up. "You deserve to enjoy yourself tonight. You are so strong. You got through this tour, and I'm proud of you."

I take her hand and pull her to her feet. I grab her dress and shoes off of the bed and almost stop breathing when I turn around and she is naked. I keep my eyes on her so I don't lose any self control and slip the dress over her head. I watch as she looks down at it in amazement.

"Are these real?" She asks me.

"Of course." I tell her. It's worth millions of course, but never worth as much as her. I spent a lot of the capitols money and some of my own. We have no budget for wedding planning, we have an endless amount of money to work with, and so I may have borrowed a small amount of that. I step back to assess my work. She has never looked so beautiful, I am sure my heart stopped.

"Wow…." I breathe.

"You like it?" She smiles and twirls for me.

"There are no words to describe how amazing you look."

She throws her arms around me and I squeeze her tightly. She smells amazing too and I pry her off of me before I rip the dress off of her and claim her right here and now. It slightly bothers me that I have to let Peeta borrow her. Which reminds me.

"Did you tell Peeta about us?" I asked gently, not trying to make it sound like an accusation. She shakes her head at me.

"No, well not on purpose." She blushes. What does she mean? Why is she blushing?

"Well, I fell asleep in the dining room one day. I hadn't been getting much sleep, and I fell asleep eating. Peeta found me…" She looks at the floor, still blushing.

She doesn't go on.

"I'm a little confused." I tell her. "How does Peeta know because of that?"

"Well," she says so softly, I can barely hear her. "I said your name. In my sleep. Apparently, I more like….um…moaned it."

My mouth falls open. I'm suddenly so turned on, I have to think of horrible things to make sure I don't ask her if she wants to tell me about the dream. Because I really want to know what I was doing to make her moan. I focus on not embarrassing her instead and compose myself.

"Oh, well that explains it." I say, with no emotion in my voice at all and quickly drop to put her shoes on. She jumps, as if this surprises her and look up to see her blushing more. Was she dreaming about me pleasuring her with my tongue? Was that why she couldn't look down at me without blushing? I will have to ask her tomorrow, I decide. I stand and run my thumb over her blush.

"I dream of you too. Whenever I can sleep." I tell her, and it's true. There have been plenty of nights I woke up thinking of Katniss. Reaching out in my empty bed, wishing to feel her soft body against mine. This seems to make her feel better. She relaxes.

Just then there is a knock on the door. Peeta and Portia enter, and I'm so thankful it is them because it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out Katniss and I had been having a moment. Peeta looks like he might rip my head off. He reaches his hand out and Katniss takes it. Portia smiles, and grabs mine and we head to the party. I resist the urge to pull Katniss and Peeta apart, and think of tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: There is some sexual content at the end of this chapter, so if you do not want to read that, I would stop reading after Katniss leaves to go visit Cinna in the Vitctor's village. Enjoy

Katniss POV

I hadn't been sleeping well because I missed Cinna. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I also sat up worrying about my family, worrying about what Snow is planning to do next. One night I decided to go down to the dining room to get some ice-cream. Before I knew it, Peeta was shaking me awake. He was standing in front of me, in his blue robe and staring at me like he wanted to bite my head off.

"What's wrong?" I ask, confusion clouding my brain. I was still trying to remember where I was and how I got here.

"What's going on with you and Cinna?" he demanded in a hushed tone. I stand up because he is making me uncomfortable.

"What do you mean?" I ask, as innocently at possible. How did he know?

"We've been through a lot together, Katniss," he hisses at me. "You don't need to lie."

I drop my eyes to the floor, I can't look at Peeta. "How do you know?" I ask him.

"You just moaned his name in your sleep." He whispered, his tone harsh. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just didn't want to distract you from the tour, Peeta. We are still fighting for our lives, and plus we are trying to keep it a secret. It could get us ALL killed. Not just Cinna, not just you and I, Effie, Portia, the list goes on and on. It's not safe for any of you to know." I was speaking fast, stepping as close to him as possible even though it was clear by the look on his face he didn't want to be this close to me.

"Well still, it's cruel to make me hope for something between us, and then not even tell me when there is no chance."

"I didn't MAKE you hope anything, Peeta. I really was just trying to keep you safe. You don't understand, I do love you. I love you so much, but what I feel for Cinna is different. I can't explain it…."

His face changes, and while he still looks hurt, he also looks sympathetic. Sighing, he plops down in a chair.

"You know, it's not your fault. I shouldn't be upset with you. You were just trying to save us. I shouldn't have expected so much from you. You know, we have lived side by side for how long? How many times have we run into each other and never stopped to have a conversation. Maybe it wasn't meant to be after all…"

I go over to his chair and bend down to give him a quick hug.

"I want us to be friends." I tell him. It feels cliché, but it's true. I want Peeta in my life but I want him to be okay with Cinna being in it to. In a way he couldn't.

We will be living next to each other for at least a while after all. The future is so unpredictable. At least I know that I have everyone that I care about, and I want Peeta in my life too.

He must see the truth in my eyes because his face softens even more and his blue eyes seem to lighten a shade. He really has beautiful eyes, and almost wish I felt differently. I wish I could give Peeta what he wants, and what he deserves but I can't.

"Of course, we've been through so much together. You've saved my life. I will always be there for you Katniss."

I press my lips together and try not to let this get to me to much, because the way he said that, I could tell he still has hope. Hope for something that will never be, but I know that to him, his heart will always be open to me. It's comforting on one hand, but I want to tell him not to hold is breath. Instead, I smile at him. I'm grateful that he won't shut me out. I'm happy that we are talking again.

"Peeta, someday someone will love you in the way that you deserve to be loved. I just want more for you. My heart is with Cinna."

"For now." He says. I step away from him, ready to be irritated.

"What does that mean?" I ask him. I wish he would just come out and say things instead of making me ask.

He waves his hand in the air, as if waving the idea away.

"Nothing. Just that we never can know what the future holds. Either way, I'll be here for you. No more ignoring each other. At least I know where you stand now."

I am silent, as I watch him grab a fancy looking bottle of water from a tub of Ice and turn to go. I realize I miss him already, because no matter what things will be a little weird between Peeta and I, and Gale and I. And I want to cry thinking about having this exact conversation with Gale. How many people do I have to hurt?

Now, as I watch Cinna from across a huge modern ballroom, those conversations seem worth it. He is chatting with people as he moves along, excepting compliments, shaking hands. Everyone loves his designs, as do I. I want to blush when I recall Cinna asking me how Peeta know about us. My heart starts speeding up and my head gets light. I feel like I might pass out thinking about his hot breath against my mouth, his kisses that I've missed for weeks. So much that I've been dreaming of him. Sometimes the dreams are innocent, his arms around me. Me enjoying the feeling. Sometimes they are scary, I can't find Cinna, yet I'm trying to get to him. I know he is somewhere, but I can't get there. Other times, he is touching me, everywhere. Making love to me, whispering in my ear. Kissing me all over my body. My heart speeds up more as I remember him dropping to his knees in front of me, as I thought about when I dreamt of his head between my legs.

Luckily, Peeta pulls me over to a table to sit with him. My legs feel like jelly. I'm so glad that tomorrow we will be done with this for a while. We will get a break from having to pretend. We have to pretend so many things. We pretend to be together. Pretend to be happy to be at this parties, pretend to want to talk to every one of the hundreds of people that approach us. It's so much that everything gets to be a blur. Peeta has a plate full of different foods in front of him, and he has so much I don't feel bad picking food off of his plate and nibbling on it as well. I lose sight of Cinna for a few minutes, as Peeta and I sit at our table, the night winding down. We had spoken to almost everyone here, and I knew we were both happy to be returning home tomorrow. People brought up our engagement all night of course, there were countless women who asked to see my ring and gushed over it. I thought it just felt too heavy and uncomfortable on my finger. It didn't take me long to realize I was probably going to have to keep it on, even at home. I still had to keep this ring on my hand, and absolutely no public displays of affection with Cinna. So not completely done with pretending, but it will be better. Easier to sneak around, yet it wouldn't be completely impossible to be caught at home so we had to be careful. I tried not to think about how much wedding planning would be going on. I find it irritating to say the least, but we have to do it until we think of another option, if we think of one. Cinna promised to get me out of it all, and not that I don't believe that he will try, I just hope he doesn't get himself killed in the process.

By the time I see Cinna again, I've managed to calm myself down a bit. I've never had sex before, and I keep telling myself I shouldn't be in a rush. I just can't get enough of Cinna, and I don't think I could stop it if something started. I push these thoughts out of my head and watch him. He seems to be looking for someone. As I listen to Peeta talk I follow him with my eyes, while trying to hide the fact that it was what I was doing. Of course Peeta knows, but he just kept talking about painting when we get home and about how he will be baking a lot because he misses it. I give him encouragement and am sure to smile and laugh at all the right moments in case anyone was watching us, which I was sure just about everyone was.

I almost choke on a piece of pineapple when Cinna locks eyes with me and heads towards Peeta and I. He is walking casually, coolly, looking indifferent to everything around him. Sometimes I wonder if he has even missed me these past couple of weeks because if he does he is really good at hiding it. That was the point of this though, to let things cool off so we didn't get ourselves and everyone around us killed. I know he cares, he is just good at hiding it. I do see his expression harden when he notices Peeta's hand on mine, which I didn't even really notice was there. If it was Cinna's hand, it would be all I could think about. Cinna's icy glare lingers on the hand with the same expression he wore every time he saw the ring on my finger when he was dressing me.

He sits down next to Peeta to my right and smiles at both of us. It's a very forced smile, and I am again reminded that he is just an amazing actor. Sometimes he has me worried.

"How have you two been this evening?" he asks, while taking a drink out of a glass that held some sort of dark liquor. His eyes sparkle when he meets mine.

"Wonderful." I answer and Peeta nods, still stuffing his mouth with all different kinds of food.

"It's almost over." He reassures us and gestures towards a massive clock that is at the top of a staircase across from us.

"Thank god," Peeta answers with a mouth full of food. I know once he finishes eating he will be tired and ready to pass out.

Cinna finishes his drink and then places his empty glass on the table.

"See you after the party." Cinna says to me, and gives a polite nod to Peeta as Peeta scowls back at him.

Peeta doesn't say anything though. Portia would be meeting him at his room also, to collect his outfit and help him get out of these traps they dress us in. For most of the outfits, I need him to help me out. Things clasped and tied where I can't reach them, then I wonder if he does this on purpose. I smile to myself as I watch him go and start picking more food off of Peeta's plate. I tell myself I'm doing him a favor because he has eaten way too much already.

About twenty minutes later, Effie and Portia are walking to the elevator with us but Cinna isn't there. I wonder where he is briefly, but figure I will see him soon enough so I try not to worry about it. I have a tendency to think the worse lately, and I'm trying to get away from it. It's like I think Snow is just going to murder someone I love to spite me every second, so my thoughts can be quite negative. If I keep going I'll start imagining chained up in a cellar somewhere in the capitol being tortured.

Effie had a great time at the party and here and Portia were gushing over various things from the food, the people, the decorations, what everyone was wearing and who they came with. Apparently they suspected an affair between some billionaire and his assistant, and that was a hot subject among the women. The elevator ride seemed to take forever. When we got to the train, I hurried to my room after saying good night to everyone. We would be in district 12 tomorrow. I felt more relieved than I had in months. Even though it is hard to feel relieved completely when Snow's face lingered in my every fear.

When I get to my room I am surprised to hear water running the bathroom. Cinna must be in there! I run to the doorway, and sure enough there's Cinna. Still looking amazingly handsome in his suit, and gold eyeliner rimming those gorgeous eyes. He is running a bath and when he sees me he motions for me to come forward. I do, and I close the door behind me while trying to swallow the lump in my throat. As soon as the door closes behind me he steps forward, snaking his arms around my waist and letting his head fall into my hair, his lips pressing against my neck. I shiver against him as I feel his hands running down my upper back which is bare. He undoes the back of my dress and then eases it down my body while still presses his face into my neck and hair. He pulls away and lowers himself a little so I can step out of the dress, his face inches away from my naked breasts and my heart starts to pound as I imagine him licking my nipples, which to my embarrassment were starting to grow hard.

I'm not sure if he notices, he isn't gawking at me, being a complete gentleman as usual.

"You are so beautiful." He whispers and throws the dress over his arm. He turns and shuts off the water, motioning for me to get into the tub. As he turns to put the dress back in its bag, I step into the hot water and groan as I slide in. It feels so good, I close my eyes for a moment. When I open them Cinna kneels down next to the tub.

He smiles at me as I enjoy the hot water. I just stares at me for a minute. Then he cups my chin and leans in to press a kiss to my lips.

"Relax tonight," he says after pulling away from my lips too soon. "Tomorrow night, I'm going to stay with you all night and make sure you sleep well."

He plants another kiss on my forehead. I notice a nightgown hanging up on the back of the door, he must have placed there when I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight." I whisper to him.

"Don't fall asleep in there." He warns, but then smiles at me. "Goodnight."

He walks out the door. I wash my face and hair, then curl up in bed. I do feel more relaxed than usual and fall asleep fairly quickly.

My eyes fly open as soon as Effie taps on my door in the morning. I run into the dining room and to my delight there is no breakfast laid out on the table, just some fruit and muffins on the side along with the coffee and other refreshments. I am too excited to eat. Peeta, Effie, and Haymitch are also standing in there while Effie gushes to Peeta and Haymitch about how well they did.

When I walk in she congratulates me also, and gives us each a hug. My excitement intensifies when I realize the train isn't moving. We are home. I smile at Peeta and he smiles back at me. I know both us are relieved at the exchange. We grab each other's hand, and it doesn't feel as forced as usual. We are at least on speaking terms now. Even Haymitch looks glad to be home, and Effie is the only one who appears to be sad.

"I will see you all in a few months." She tells us, and already I don't want a few months to come. I just want to be stuck in today forever. We all say our goodbyes to Effie, and we walk outside into our Victor's Village. The sun is shining, the air smells fresh and I see my mother and Prim standing in front of our house. I let go of Peeta's hand and run to them. I'm sure there are still cameras around but I don't care. I hug them both and kiss them. They smile back at me with wide smiles, I know they missed me as much as I missed them. Cinna steps out from behind them, and I give him huge smile and resist the urge to throw my arms around him. I see Portia behind him.

"We wanted to say hi to your mother and sister," Portia explained. "We got in really early, and our houses were just too empty and weird."

I nod at her and we all enter the house, except for Haymitch and Peeta. Haymitch says he'll see us later and heads to his house, eager to get a drink I'm sure. And Peeta runs over to greet his family, not before giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. When the door is finally closed behind us, I feel like I can breathe again. My mother ushers us all into the kitchen where she has breakfast laid out. Pancakes, bacon, eggs, orange juice and bagels. While we all eat, Cinna and Portia talk to my mother and prim, and it is great to see. They are all getting along great, my mother complimenting Cinna's designs and Portia and Prim chatting about horses. Prim had always wanted one but we were never able to afford it, or get one for that matter. There weren't any in district 12. I make a mental note to see what I can do about getting her one, now that we are rich, and I'm famous. I want to laugh out loud at the thoughts in my head. I don't feel famous. It's laughable really.

I'm sure my mother doesn't know about Cinna and I, and she had made some comments earlier about me being too young to date, but I would tell her about Cinna later. While I'm sure she won't like it, she will understand. She married my father when she was around my age, and I know that she loved him very much and did not ever regret the decision. I was sure she would want the same for me. Not that Cinna and I were getting married or anything, and she knows that Peeta and I care for each other, but are getting forced into this marriage. She does seem excited to wedding plan though, which I don't like. I'm getting forced to marry Peeta and here my mom is, excited to plan a wedding. I force myself not to shake my head. Either way, I will tell her about Cinna and I him and Portia leave.

Thankfully, I don't have to wait long for them to finish up. It makes me happy to see Cinna and Portia fit in so well with my family, and he seems pleased too. He gives me a hug before he goes and whispers in my ear to meet him at his house later when I am done here. I whisper my okay back and they leave.

I help my mother clean up and spend some time catching up with her and Prim. It was mostly talk about Prim working with my mom, learning the right plants to make medicines and helping her treat patients. Prim was loving it, and you could see how proud mom was of her just by looking at her face. She adored Prim, just like everyone has to. She just has that personality.

After talking to them a bit, I notice my mother head to her room and I follow her, wanting to get this thing with Cinna in the open so I didn't have to hide it here. When I enter her room she smiles at me, and I sit on her bed as she opens her closet door and starts rearranging some things in there.

"Mom, I need to talk to you about something."

She closes the closet door, and sits next to me on the bed. She gives me her full attention and waits, patiently for me to begin. I don't really know how to start, and I don't see the point in beating around the bush so I just spit it out.

"Cinna and I realized that we have feelings for each other. He makes me feel things, things I don't feel for Peeta. Or Gale."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise, but doesn't seem angry.

"He is a very nice man." She says then, and I'm relieved that she seems okay with it.

She seems to sit in thought for a second, weighing her options. Finally, she nods.

"If you are sure." She says and then gets up off of the bed. She knows she raised a smart girl, and she isn't going to lecture me this time. I feel grateful that it's okay with her, and she knows now so I go to my room and change my clothes.

I through on a pair of jeans and a shirt that Cinna gave me that was black and lose in some places but tight in all of the right ones. It came in at my waist yet flowed out around me, and I didn't look so skinny in it. It definitely brought out my curves. I brush my hair and then head to his house. I can't get over how beautiful the day is outside, how nice it is to be able to walk around in nature.

I knock on Cinna's door and it is a couple of minutes before he answers. When he does, he greets me in a formal fashion but as soon as the door is closed he reaches behind me to lock it and before I can even open my mouth to say anything he has me pinned up against it tightly. His body feels heavy against mine and he takes my face between both of his hands while he kisses me deeply and passionately until I'm gasping for air. His scent assaults my senses and I feel dizzy.

He breaks away from my lips, still holding my face but giving me a chance to breathe. He gazes into my eyes, and there is so much need there that I almost sink to the floor from my knees failing me. After I get a couple of breaths in, his lips crash against mine again. I moan into his mouth, his body presses against me tighter, still cradling my face in his hands. He lets it go then, and I feel my jacket moving down my arms. I realize he is undressing me, and my heart beats even faster than it is, and I feel like it is going to pound out of my chest already.

"God, Katniss" he breathes against my lips, and I can taste his hot breathe, so sweet and intoxicating. I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me from my waist and I wrap my legs around him tightly. He walks up the stairs, kissing me the whole way, only breaking away too briefly check where he was walking, obviously not used to the house yet.

I feel him laying me down on a bed, and open my eyes to see him hovering over me. He is between my legs but not touching me anywhere, his hands on the side of my head, holding him up and he is on his knees between mine. He gazes down at me, his green eyes sparkling. His eyeliner bringing out the gold in them. He is so beautiful, I start tingling between my legs. His gaze intensifies as I can feel the look on my face changing to one of poor want, I want him to touch me.

"Have you ever done anything like this before, Katniss?" He asks me softly and I feel him stroking my stomach, moving my shirt up slowly as he did so. My mouth falls open slightly and I shake my head.

"Mmm." He says in response. He kisses my neck and brushes my hair to the side.

"Have you?" I ask, barely audible. I can't barely form any thoughts.

"One person." He says, and then crushes me with another kiss. I don't ask questions, it doesn't bother me. He and I here and now is all that matters to me. I moan softly, and place my hands under his shirt on his back. His skin is warm and smooth and so very soft under my hands.

He pulls his shirt over his head and I'm sure my heart stops when I see his body. He is muscular and lean. Not big and bulky, but so toned I felt like I could see every muscle. I run my heads down his abs, they are rock hard and smooth and his breath whooshes out as I move my hand down toward his waist band but letting my hand fall before it gets there. He is so gorgeous, I press my lips against is full soft ones and need to catch my breath again quickly. I pull away, and he uses this opportunity to pull my shirt up over my head. Then he unbuttons my pants, not removing his eyes from mine as he slides them down, watching my expression. I hope I'm not drooling, or gawking at him. He is so beautiful, I don't even feel like I am here on this planet. I struggle to think, but I can't form any logical thoughts. I realize that I'm only in my bra and panties in front of him and I start to feel nervous. My body isn't without imperfections. My time in the Arena is proof of the battle I fought for mine and Peeta's life.

Before I have time to feel self-conscious about my scars and burns from the arena, he is kissing them. He kisses every single one, as I watch him. He massages every part of me his hands come in contact with and after he has rubbed me everywhere but the two most intimate places I want him to, I'm ready to beg him by the time his hands start moving up my thighs. I'm still in my bra, and panties and he massages up my thighs until he gets right below where my panty line reaches my thigh. He climbs back up then, reaching behind my back and undoing my bra, and slides it down as he kisses me slowly, and I love the taste of him. I gasp when a fingertip brushes against my nipple.

I watch Cinna as he lowers his head to my left breast, his eyes watching me back. He flicks his tongue out suddenly, and licks it quickly, watching my reaction. I suck in a bunch of air and squirm under him as a million sensations run through me. I feel wetness growing between my legs and Cinna smiles at me. He is obviously enjoying my reaction. Before I'm ready he takes my nipple into his mouth and rolls his tongue around it. My head falls back and I let out a little cry of pleasure. I feel his fingers on my other nipple, pinching and teasing. I get wetter and I start feeling a pressure in my lower stomach.

Groaning, I lift my hips up, trying to find some sort of contact with him, but he is hovering above me again, coming back to kiss me. His eyes smolder me and he slowly pushes his tongue into my mouth. His hands still playing with my nipples, driving me crazy. He tastes my mouth with his tongue like he is trying to taste every inch of it. Suddenly, I feel something brushing against the outside of my panties, brushing against my sensitive clit. I cry out again, and I feel myself grow wetter. His kiss turns hungry and he lowers his lower body against mine. I feel his hard erection pressing where his fingers just were. I grind into him and this time he groans this time.

"Fuck Katniss, you are so hot."

"So are you." I pant. I had never heard him swear, but it just turned me on more than I ever would have thought it could. His hands slide into the sides of my panties and he slides them down. I feel the cool air hit my wet folds and then a finger sliding through my slit up to my clit then back down. He strokes me like this over and over while exploring my mouth with his tongue, then stops kissing me to watch me as he strokes me. He watches my chest rise and fall, and then he watches his fingers move against me. His eyes find mine again and there is so much love and lust in his eyes I feel my control slipping away.

He pulls his fingers away and I see them glistening with my juices as he brings them up to his lips. He moans as he tastes me.

"You taste delicious." He tells me as he brushes my nipples with his fingertips again. My clit is throbbing and I can feel my juices running down my thighs. Before I realized what he was doing he was licking my slit up and down like he did with his fingers. I moan loudly and buck my hips into his face. This causes him to moan against me.

He licks me slowly, watching me as he does. I start panting first, then moaning. Finally he finds a rhythm and I feel myself coming undone.

"Yes," he whispers fiercely and keeps up his motions, never faltering.

He slides his fingers inside me and starts pumping, my head falls back and I feel my walls start to clench around his fingers, it's all too much and I try to pull my legs together but he stops me, keeping up his rhythm until I'm completely finished.

When I can open my eyes again, he is lying next to me and stroking my stomach.

"What about you?" I ask him, ready to start again so he can enjoy himself too. But he stops me.

"No, let's save that for later." He says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I just wanted to make you feel good."

I smile at him. "You really did."

He gazes into my eyes. "You don't even know how much I enjoyed giving you pleasure. You really are my girl on fire."

His lips crush mine again and we lay in each other's arms for hours, as I try to come back down to this earth.


	6. Chapter 6

KPOV

The sound of the doors bursting open wake me, and I jump up from the bed. I see Cinna jump up also, both of us throwing clothes on as Peace Keepers throw the wide wooden doors open and rush in. It takes me a minute to realize what is going on. I see the same brief confusion on Cinna's face. When we do realize what is happening, we lock eyes with each other.

Oh god. I start to panic. My heart races and I know that it is over. We have been caught, and Snow is taking us. I think of my family, are they safe? Are Peace Keepers busting into their doors now, too?

I can see Cinna hiding his panic, probably to calm me. I can see the wheels in his head turning.

The Peace Keepers advance on us and we don't try to fight when they grab us. One grabs me tightly around the waist and drags me out of the room. I see Cinna being dragged beside me, by his arm. They drag us violently, which strikes me as unnecessary when we aren't even fighting them.

As they take us from the house, I look to mine and see my mother and sister in the window. It doesn't appear that they is anything going on anywhere but here. It wouldn't surprise me if Snow wanted to keep them alive to use against me for longer. Suddenly, panic goes into over drive. What is he going to do with us? Kill us? Enslave us?

I will kill anyone before they hurt anyone I love. It won't happen if I have anything to do with it. I don't see Haymitch when we are thrown onto a train, not a fancy one like we would ride in on the tour, but one that is just as fast. I'm surprised when the throw us in together, and we sit there in silence for a moment after the doors slam behind us.

They aren't gentle when they do, and it takes us a minute to sit up and pull ourselves together. I look at Cinna then, and it seems like he can't look me in the eyes.

I try to gather my thoughts, try to think straight. I know there isn't much we can do right now. We are trapped in here, unguarded, but no doubt trapped. No doubt, this train cart is rigged, and neither of us are touching anything.

I scoot over to Cinna, and place my hand in his. I rub his pale hand, trying to get blood flowing through it again.

"It will be okay." I tell him, and I hope I sound convincing because I know it won't.

"I should have known. Someone had to have told him."

I shake my head, staring off at nothing in front of me. Who would do that? Maybe they knew for a while now, it didn't take them long to come get us. They were probably planning it from the start. Snow probably just let me set myself up.

"Who?"

He shrugs.

"What are we going to do?"

He shakes his head. "Haymitch will think of something."

I sigh. Will he? Deep down I know he will try, but the odds don't seem to be in our favor. Even if Haymitch did manage to pull something off that will take time. We will be at the Capitol shortly, and who knows what is waiting for us? Who knows how long we will survive.

I'm taken out of my thoughts by lips on mine and I instantly kiss Cinna back, fully aware that this could be our last kiss.

"I love you." He whispers against my lips. "No matter what happens, don't give up. I will do my best to get us out of this. We escape. We run. We do what we can, but don't give up."

I nod, and I try to answer him but I can't. My throat is dry, and I feel like my chest is going to cave in. We stay in each other's arms until the doors burst open again and we are blinded by sunlight. They pull us into a huge white building. As soon as we are behind closed doors they start beating him.

I watch helplessly as about twelve armed men hit and kick Cinna. There is blood flying everywhere as I fight. It takes six Peace Keepers to keep me in place as I thrash around, fighting them with everything I have in me. I manage to injure them a couple of times but then they just hold me harder and pull me back further.

I am screaming and fighting for what seems like hours, as seen takes a brutal beating. I can't see him as they pull me out of the room. All I can see is his blood, all over the floor, all over the peace keepers. I look down and see it on me.

I shriek and fight even harder but it's no use. I can't escape their iron grasp. They throw me down onto a floor in what appears to be a jail cell. It is hard and cold and all white. There are windows with bars, one single bench and a door with one tiny window, not big enough to fit a hand in.

I crumble to the floor, sobbing. The visions of Cinna, beautiful, talented Cinna getting beat to a pulp is just to much for me to take. I can't handle it. I feel like ripping my hair out and screaming, but I try to calm down. I just sob and sob, not being able to stop the tears from flowing from my eyes.

What if he is dead? What if they killed him because of me? Because he loves me. God, I can't take it. The guilt is too much. The last thing I think of before my world goes dark is that I am going to find a way out of here. I am going to kill Snow, kill anyone who stands in my way.

**AN: This is what happens when people don't review. I get mad and start killing people off. Is Cinna dead? Maybe, maybe not. We will see how many reviews I get. ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

_Life is a mystery_

_Everyone must stand alone_

_I hear you call my name _

_And it feels like home_

_When you call my name_

_It's like a little prayer_

_I'm down on my knees_

_I wanna take you there_

_In the midnight hour_

_I can feel your power_

_Just like a prayer_

_You know I'll take you there_

_I hear your voice _

_It's like an angel sighing_

_I have no choice _

_I hear your voice_

_Feels like flying_

_I close my eyes_

_Oh god, I think I'm falling_

_Out of the sky_

_I close my eyes_

_Heaven help me_

_When you call my name _

_It's like a little prayer _

_I'm down on my knees _

_I wanna take you there_

_In the midnight hour_

_I can feel your power_

_Just like a prayer_

_You know I'll take you there_

_And like a child_

_You whisper softly to me_

_You're in control _

_Just like child _

_Now I'm dancing_

_It's like a dream_

_No end and no beginning_

_You're here with me_

_It's like a dream_

_When you call my name _

_It's like a little prayer _

_I'm down on my knees _

_I wanna take you there_

_In the midnight hour_

_I can feel your power_

_Just like a prayer_

_You know I'll take you there_

_Life is a mystery _

_Everyone must stand alone_

_I hear you call my name_

_And it feels like home_

_Just like a dream_

_You are not what you seem_

_Just like a prayer_

_No choice_

_Your voice can take me there_

_Like a prayer- Madonna_


	8. Chapter 8

KPOV

I wake up on the cold floor and it takes me a second to realize where I am and what had happened. I know that I passed out, probably went into shock, and now I was going to have a panic attack. I try to catch my breath and stand up, using the bench to pull myself up. I have a few scrapes on my legs, and some bruising on both my legs and arms. I'm not concerned about myself at the moment, despite the dizziness and nausea I feel well enough to run to the small little window in the door and start screaming.

"Let me out of here!" I yell. I am done playing games with these people. I think of Cinna, his blood covering every surface of the floor and pray that he is okay. My heart pounds and I'm not sure if it's going to come up into my throat or if I'm going to puke.

I can hear the heavy stomping of boots as someone comes towards me. When they get to me, I can see Peace keepers through the hole. A man sticks his eye up to the window, it is blue and he has gray eyebrows and lashes. Obviously an older man. His voice is deep.

"Go sit down." He orders sharply.

I do not move. I refuse to.

"What did you do with Cinna? Let me out of here!" I shriek, pounding on the door.

"Don't be stupid." He snarls. I consider poking his eye out.

I make some sort of noise that is a mix between a laugh and a scream. They are the stupid ones, they will pay for hurting Cinna, and if he is dead they will be also. I back up and smirk then.

"What's so funny?" He spits his words out. I lock my eyes on his, my smile gone.

"What I'm going to do to you if anyone has hurt him."

"Oh that's right," he laughs, no trace of humor in it. "You think you are so tough because you won in the Arena? Those were games, little girl."

"Yeah? It must be easy for you to say. Have you ever been in the arena?" I know the answer is no. He is glaring at me, I can see his face as he has taken a step back now. "All of you big, bad men who give all the orders but if put in the same situation that you put others in, I bet you wouldn't last a day. You have a lot to say, but I'd like to see you all put down your guns and fight like real men."

I can see I've infuriated him, and he would like nothing more than to shoot me. Instead, he smiles the fakest smile I've seen in my life and shakes his head like I'm just a harmless little girl. Obviously, he doesn't know how far I've been pushed over the edge. I smile at him, the sweetest smile I can manage.

"Sit down and shut up. We will get you out when Snow orders it. Lucky for you, he wants you alive for now."

With that, he turns and leaves. I can hear other feet following him out, I'm guessing it was his backup. He is the head Peace Keeper. I remember seeing him in district twelve before. He isn't always there, usually he is in the Capitol but he comes into twelve when he needs to, usually when someone is caught breaking the law. He was always an asshole.

I sit down on the bench and try to get my thoughts together. The head Peace keeper didn't say anything about Cinna's condition, I was hoping to get something out of him. I just need to know if he is alive. I feel like he is, like I can still feel his light in the world, I could still feel our connection. When my dad died, I didn't feel our connection any more. Of course, I felt connected to him still, I felt his presence everywhere- but I could tell his light had gone out. He wasn't in the world anymore.

I can almost feel Cinna calling to me. I close my eyes and lean back. The connection I feel to him is amazing and I can feel him flowing through my blood. The way he makes me feel is so powerful within itself, like I've known him forever. His gentle heart in the body of a god was just the surface of the things I saw in his eyes, I would trust him with my life in a heartbeat. There is absolutely no doubt he is alive now. It is like I'm just now paying attention, snapping out of my stupor long enough to realize that I shouldn't have thought he was dead in the first place. It was almost like I could feel him in my soul, like it knew something that I didn't. It was like the sun shining on my face. I can feel him. I can feel him calling to me, from wherever he was.

_I'm coming. Just hold on, I'm coming for you. _I try to think this at him, hoping he can feel me too and it can bring him comfort in a time of pain.

Suddenly, I have a lot more energy than before. My pulse is racing, and I'm ready to get out of here. That's when I hear gun shots going off. I stand up quickly, walking to the door. I check it over, looking for some way to get it open. I can tell it is hopeless to try. They are automatic doors, the cracks are so small and tight there is no way I could pry it open. I'd probably get electrocuted in the process.

I can still hear gunfire, and it's getting closer. What is happening out there? Maybe they are shooting people because of my tantrum, oh god, do they have my family? Peeta? Gale? Haymitch? Effie? I'm dizzy again, thinking of the possibilities. I try to calm myself down once again.

Taking deep breaths, I pace back and forth. It seems like forever, but then I can hear yelling outside the door, so whoever was causing the shooting, or doing the shooting, is outside now. Terror pulses through me, and I try to think of a way to escape if needed. I just need to get out of this room, then I can figure something out. I wish I had a bow, and wonder if there is one anywhere around here or at least something I can make one out of.

I hear the door open, and pause, listening to someone coming closer. Then I see an eye gazing through the window, it looks slightly familiar but I cannot place it. I don't go closer in case it is someone that I should be staying away from.

"Katniss!" I hear an urgent whisper. I move closer then, trying to see who it is.

"Who are you?" I whisper back. I guess if they wanted to shoot me they had plenty of time to do that already. I don't see why they would waste time talking to me if they wanted me dead.

"I'm Heavensbee, the new Game maker. I'm here to get you out but we have to hurry. I have someone working on the doors right now."

Relief floods through me. "Is Cinna okay?"

"He will be. He is badly injured, but we can treat him once we get you two out of here," he says quickly and quietly. The doors open suddenly, and I am thankful that they are sort of silent.

Heavensbee stands there with an older man. "Beetee." He intrudes himself quickly, and holds out his hand. I give it a quick shake and then Heavensbee is handing me a gun. It isn't really my weapon of choice but it is all I have right now. I take it.

"Is my family okay?" I whisper as I fall in line behind them while we exit the room slowly.

"Yes, I will tell you more after we get out of here."

I nod and follow him, just letting myself feel the relief of knowing that Cinna is alive. It's hard to think of how hurt he could be, so I try not to dwell on it too much before I know the true state he is in. Everyone I love is okay for now, and I feel so grateful for that. But now we all had to fight. I feel guilty momentarily, but push it aside. I should have known Cinna and I would have gotten caught, but I don't have time to think about it right now.

I clutch my gun tighter, liking how it fits in my hand perfectly.

"I have more bullets for you in my pocket." Beetee whispers as we exit the room, I see Heavensbee peer out into the hallway, checking to see if anyone was coming. He nods back at us and we advance slowly, and then when we get through the doors we take off running.

"We get Cinna, and then we get out of here. I have a plane waiting for us," Heavensbee whispers urgently as we move through the hallways. "You two will have to help him walk."

I gulp down my reaction, I knew he was bad, but it pains me to know that he won't be able to walk by himself. I wish I could take his place, take his pain away from him, I felt like I was going to lose it and I hadn't even seen him yet. I couldn't stop until we were safe, I couldn't let any of this bother me until we are all safe.

Getting Cinna out is my number one focus, and I hold my gun out in front of me, ready to shoot anyone who tries to get in my way. We make our way through several long white hallways until we finally get to a room and stop. I realize this is where they must be keeping him, and my heart feels like it's going to come up through my throat once again. As soon as we open the doors I can smell the blood, and I feel my whole world falling away from me. I feel like this is my fault, I never should have told him how I felt and put him in danger. I should have kept my mouth shut, married Peeta and kept everyone safe. Wasn't he worth that? Don't I love him enough to do that for him? To live a life with a man I don't love to keep him alive?

Once again I push away the grief that is about to swallow me whole, and focus on getting Cinna out of here. It's too late to go back now. I've made my bed, and I'm going to fight for him. And for Peeta. Everyone I love is counting on me now, and I can't let them down again.

I see him lying there on the cold ground and I rush to his side. His eyes are closed, he is not conscience, probably blacked out from pain. Most of my mother's patients do eventually. I've seen it many times, and I can tell that he lost so much blood he really didn't have a choice. I am afraid to touch him, I don't want to hurt him, but I softly grab his bloody hand. He has bruises on every inch of his body and there is no doubt that he wouldn't be able to take much more. They were no doubt trying to kill him, and the weight of how close I came to losing him threatens to crush me. This is no time, I have plenty of time to grieve later.

I squeeze his hand lightly, his eyelids are pale and blue, I wonder briefly if he really is dead and I am just in denial.

"Cinna!" I say harshly, and shake his shoulder. "Cinna!"

"Come on, let's pull him up." Heavensbee says, I see that Cinna is breathing so I don't object. All three of us pull him up carefully, and Heavensbee positions him so he has one arm over Beetee's shoulder and one arm over mine. Heavensbee pulls water out of one of his huge pants pockets, I can see that it has ice floating in it. He pours it over his face, splashing it on everyone else too. It feels freezing cold, and actually kind of good. I'm suddenly very thirsty and wonder how long it's been since I've had water. I tell myself I will get some soon enough. Heavensbee is still working on waking Cinna up.

"Come on," he whispers. I can see he is starting to get worried. I know it's not long before more Peace Keepers come in and try to kill us all.

Cinna makes us all jump when he wakes up, shouting has he does and is almost about to try to fight us off before he realizes that it is me underneath his arm.

"Katniss." He chokes out. He seems too tired to go on, but I can see the emotions in his eyes. He looks at me as if he is seeing me for the first time, as if I am the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, and I'm sure in this case we all are.

"Let's go!" Heavensbee yells, breaking up our reunion. I can hear commotion down the hall, and I know they are coming for us. I clutch my gun tighter in my free hand that isn't helping hold Cinna up, and we pull him forward.

Sirens and alarms start going off and all kinds of lights are flashing in many different colors around us. It is an eerie feeling moving through the hallways, with a gun in my hand, knowing we were being hunted, like I do so often. It was much better being on the other side of the situation. Cinna was starting to help more and more as we moved until he got a second wind and we were almost running.

We were stopped short by four uniformed guards, who wore black and white but a different uniform than the Peace Keepers stop in front of us. They must be some sort of military, I think and before I have time to figure it out, Heavensbee shoots two in the head, and Beetee gets the other two.

We move again, going faster this time, and we are almost in a full blown run. Cinna is being a trooper, fighting through the pain, trying to slow us down as little as possible. I want to tell him to take it easy, so he doesn't hurt himself, but further injuries are better than being dead. I'm sure we can treat these injuries later, but if we don't get out of here we all might be needed medical treatment.

I can't believe it when we get passed two doors, all of the guards dead.

"I think we killed every single person in there," Heavensbee explains. "We had to do it to get to you, Katniss. I'm sure more will be arriving shortly, so we need to keep going."

When we get outside I see a plane waiting for us, and we jump in. It is as fast as anything the Capitol creates, and I'm sure they made it. We race toward it, and when we finally get into to it and the doors are closed, Cinna and I collapse into chairs and Heavensbee and Beetee buckle us in. Cinna closes his eyes and leans back, very much in pain. I want to take it all away, but I can't. As soon as we are safely off of the ground, Heavensbee and Beetee get to work treating Cinna first.

They give him something to knock him out and treat his wounds. I want to be sick as I watch them uncover more and more bruised and bloody skin. There's no telling what inhumane things they did to him in there but from the looks of it, it wasn't pretty. Rage flows through me and I finally let the guilt crush me a little bit. Leaning into the chair, I close my own eyes. My head is throbbing and I'm starting to feel all the aches and pains now that my adrenaline isn't as strong.

I don't dwell on the physical pain though, it is nothing compared to the emotional pain that I feel. I shouldn't have let my feelings for Cinna cloud my judgment and risk our lives. Our lives and the lives of everyone I love. I am feeling stupid, but there is no going back now. What is done is done, and as long as we all survive this I guess it is better this way. If we can make it out alive I will not have to spend my life married to Peeta, and I can be free to live the way I want and love who I want to love.

My love for Cinna is so strong now. Thinking that I had lost him was unbearable. There was no doubt in my mind that I wanted Cinna forever, for as long as that was. No matter where I was, as long as he was there I would be fine. I was now fighting for so many things. For everything I love, for my freedom, for the lives of all of the kids who could be picked in the ripping this upcoming year and in the future. I had to do this for all of them. So I could be free to love Cinna, because now that I know the extent of my feelings for him, nothing would stop me for fighting for what we deserve.

I am broken out of my thoughts by Heavensbee speaking to me.

"Here, Katniss." I open my eyes to see him holding out a bucket full of soap and water, and a wash cloth. "Wash up, I'll get you some bandages and something to drink."

"Thank you," I reply, taking the bucket from him. There is a pile of folded clothes on the chair next to me, which I assume are there for me, and everyone leaves to give me privacy. Everyone except for Cinna, of course, he is still knocked out from whatever medicine they gave him while they tended to his wounds. He looked peaceful and comfortable, surprising considering what he just endured. My stomach lurches at the thought, even though I didn't know the full extent of his torture. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to know. When I do find out what they did to him, it will just fuel my fire. I will make it a point to find out every single person that touched him and punish them personally.

I pull my eyes away from him and undress quickly, ignoring the shooting pains that are going up and down my arms, back and head. My body feels stiff and it stings, but I wash up within a few minutes. I manage to wash my hair with soap and comb it with my fingers. By the time Beetee and Heavensbee return I am washed up and dressed in the baggy black t-shirt and pants that they left for me. I am thankful that it doesn't cling to my sensitive skin which seems to itch and burn pretty much everywhere.

Heavensbee hands me a bottle of water and some bandages for my cuts. I drink the entire bottle of water first and then after I bandage myself and Heavensbee seems sure I'm not going to throw up the water he places crackers next to me. I force myself to eat a hand full to get my energy up, I will need to be able to take care of Cinna whenever we get where we are going.

"Where are we going?" I ask then, not to anyone in particular, I didn't care who answers, just that I get answers.

Heavensbee sits in a chair across from me, and stirs the coffee in his hand. "We are going to thirteen. We have a place underground there. You can think of it as sort of a huge panic room. Big enough to hold cities full of people. It was actually built years and years ago, when the first uprising happened, and we have just made it better. More modern. We will be safe from bombs, and pretty much any attack they can think of. Of course nothing is guaranteed, but we should be safe there until we can figure things out. Your family and friends are there too, we made sure we got them to safety before we came for you."

Gratitude washes through me. I still have so many questions, like why is Heavensbee helping me? But there is plenty of time for that and right now I am exhausted. He stands then, and hands me my MockingJay pin. "This has become a symbol of hope to many people," he continues as he places it in my hand. "Because of you. People see you as a hero, you make people want to fight for what is right. We need you Katniss, we need you to help us fight."

He sits back down then, and studies me. I'm sure he is waiting for a reaction. I look back at him, and down at my pin. "What can I do?" I ask. I look at Cinna, unconscious and hurt because of me. "Except for get people nearly killed?"

He frowns at me. "You aren't looking at the bigger picture. You don't need to feel guilty, everyone is willing to fight with you, Katniss. Everyone knows the risks. Cinna is an adult and fully capable of making his own decisions."

He gave me time to process that and then continues. "What we need you to do is lead the uprising, let people know whose side you are on. When the time is right we take down Snow."

"I want to fight. I want to be a part of it. And I want to kill Snow myself."

"That can be arranged I'm sure. So, is that a yes?"

"Yes."

He smiles at me and pulls a leather book out of a bag at his feet. "Cinna was going to give this to you, only after you agreed to it yourself, and he asked me to before we knocked him out."

I take the book from his hands. It is expensive and heavy. I open it and see immediately that it is Cinna's sketch book. I turn each page carefully admiring his work. He is an amazing artist. I see the designs for my dresses and others that I hadn't seen before. I let myself smile as I look through it. When I reach the last page before they turn blank, I am shocked to see that he sketched a picture of me. I feel my breath leave my lungs, it is gorgeous and it is easy to tell how much time and care he put into each detail of the dress, and my face. Even more strikingly beautiful is the wings drawn around me. I look like an angel, but a powerful one. Tears stream down my face as I take it in. I can't believe how I look through his eyes, so delicately beautiful. I am the MockingJay. I feel good knowing I made the decision that he wanted me to, that he is behind this too. Beneath the drawing there is a note to me, written in a neat handwriting.

Katniss,

I'm still betting on you.

Love,

Cinna

**AN: Whoa, calm down people! I was only playing, I wasn't going to kill Cinna. The story would have to be over then and I am only getting started. And no, I am not only writing for reviews as was suggested. I am only trying to get you guys involved, you know, interact with people who take the time to read this. And I thank each one of you. But even if I didn't get one single review I would have updated it. I am glad you all are enjoying this story though, and yes, I will update soon. **


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